Holding On and Letting Go
by Dreams Of A Shipper
Summary: Spoilers! This is following the events that occur during the 57th expedition. When Günter is taken out by the female titan, the rest of team Levi set out to take justice. However, they are severely overwhelmed and seriously injured. How will they fight to get get back and will they be able to live with the loss of their team mate? Rivetra, of course, inspired this!
1. Chapter 1

**Don't kill me... This may be another one shot turned multi chapter story... May be...**

 **I actually started this one a couple months ago, before Everything Is On Fire and New Beginnings.**

 **I just glanced over it, next thing I knew, I was writing it flat out again!**

 **I haven't forgotten the others.. I'll get them done... Soon! :/**

 **This contains major spoilers, so look away now if needs be!**

 **Anyway, this one is about the Female Titan attack. Only this time, only poor Günter was KIA.**

 **It's not that I don't like him - I love Günter - it just made sense that his death would be the kick off point for their reactions.**

 **Usual disclaimers etc...**

 **Enjoy and please review! :)**

The atmosphere in the castle was tense and heavy, the loss of their comrade weighing on each of Levi's squad members minds.

Günter had always been quiet, keeping mostly to himself, but he had been an essential part of their team, of their family. He always made Petra laugh and had an uncanny ability to tell when she was upset, even when she didn't realise it herself. He was like a caring brother and his loss was ripping her apart inside.

To see him cut down and slaughtered in front of them like one of the Titans...it was a disgusting, barbaric act. And the knowledge that is was by one of their own made it all the worse. The fact that the person had known what an impact that particular type of death would have...it put the cold fury deep in their hearts that made them desperate to make this sick individual pay dearly.

The remaining squad members sat in pained silence at the table in the dining hall, forgotten cups of coffee and tea in front of them.

Aurou sat with a frown etched deep into his skin. He had a splint supporting his shattered left wrist, a swollen, red eye and cuts and bruises everywhere.

Eld was grasping his cup, staring into its murky contents, his expression blank. His broken leg was propped on another chair, his jaw swollen.

Poor Eren was sitting beside Petra, even though by right he should be back in the infirmary after his clash with the female titan. His hands were shaking and his face was white as a ghost. She knew he was wracked with unnecessary guilt.

Captain Levi was sitting at the head of the table, a dark look overshadowing his features.

His arm was propped over the back of the chair, tapping his other hands fingers on the table. Petra herself was hugging her arms around her waist, her gaze on the empty chair across from her. She had a large slicing tear down her back, broken ribs, a gash on her forehead and cuts and bruises matching Aurou's.

Cold air crept off the walls of the castle, interrupting the soft waves of heat from the fire and settled on the back of Petra's neck and shoulders. She shivered involuntarily, but there was something beckoning about the chill.

She suddenly realised it was too hot, too close in this room that echoed loss. She felt like the empty seat was taunting her. The events from the day before were drilling through her brain, too. She kept seeing the moment they lost the upper hand with the human titan. It had been a terrifying ordeal.

It was after she'd taken Günter from them. She'd snuck up wearing a Scout's cape, the hood covering her face. They were too focused on getting Eren back to base, joking and teasing each other. They didn't realise until it was too late.

It was only when Günter was hanging upside down, neck slit backwards like a slaughtered titan, that they realised they were in danger.

The girl had then turned herself titan again, and tried to lure Eren. She had to have realised she'd fuelled the hate even more in the Levi Squad.

Discovering she had advanced defence mechanisms, Eld had led the new attack, no words needed between remaining team mates to know how to follow his lead. Acid rage and pain was the only thing running through their veins now.

Things quickly got out of control though.

Aurou and herself had been hacking away at the titan's arm muscles, trying to uncover her weak spot. They had already temporarily blinded her and finally her arms went slack, hanging by her side.

Eld had gone for the kill blow, trying to get her neck when she snapped at him. He narrowly avoided her snapping jaw, but lost control of his 3DM gear. Flicking a huge hand backwards, the she-titan backhanded him and he hit a tree with a solid thunk, leaves showering down after his body. He had slid unconscious to the ground and stayed there.

Petra's heart had frozen as she watched another member of the team get taken out, although she'd hoped above all else Eld was still alive.

She shot back in shock, hitting the ground before launching off with her gear. She vaguely remembered screaming about how she couldn't believe the blonde titan could see already when she'd received a startling glare from the single healed eye of the soldier-turned titan. She'd jolted forward after Petra, her long strides catching her up too quickly.

Petra had distantly heard Aurou screaming her name, but all she could do was stare at the foot coming at her.

This was it. Her luck had finally run out.

A single thought ran through her mind.

"I'm sorry Captain, for letting you down."

Suddenly, a large force - not as large as a titan foot, but enough to wind her - slammed into her side, pushing her out of line of the crushing blow.

A cloud of dust and splinters erupted from the ground where the titans foot had crashed into the tree trunk that had been planned for Petra's body.

She glanced around to see Aurou had grabbed her mid swing and was quickly trying to right his full speed launch.

"Hold on!" He yelled above the groan of the toppling tree.

The big blonde traitor had other ideas for them, spinning on her heel and grabbing the wire of Petra's teammates 3DM gear.

The titan ripped them back, the sudden change of direction causing both of their necks to snap back with whiplash. She rolled her giant shoulder, slinging them through the forest at an alarming rate.

Trees and bushes flashed past, and they skimmed off something, causing Aurou to gasp through his teeth in pain. Her arm was linked through one of his and he was grasping her side to him, but they were hurtling so fast and recklessly that they were fast losing grip.

They hit the ground, pain lancing through her back and ribs.

They bounced through the air again, spinning and when they hit the ground once more, they finally lost contact on each other.

Petra went flying to the left, Aurou to the right.

She felt branches and plants tear and bite into her face, neck and arms. She tried to grab something to slow her inevitable crash landing, but it only resulted in a hot, wet slash on her forehead.

Finally, mercifully, she rolled to a stop but the world kept spinning. Her stomach roiled and the contents were quickly upheaved. She fell backwards, away from the sick, and winced as the wound in her back pressed into something.

She was alive. But for how long? Was the titan coming after them?

She forced herself to look up, back where they'd come from. She'd flung them so far, but there was no sign of their target chasing them.

Hearing a groan across the clearing, Petra looked over to see Aurou on his front, trying to push himself up with his forearms. He let out a cry and looked down at his left arm.

Petra scrambled up, ignoring the screaming protest her body made. On wobbly legs, she half ran, half stumbled towards her friend.

"Aurou! Are..are you alright?" She gasped. Her ribs were on fire and it was slightly difficult to breath.

"Yes, but my wrist is busted. Damn cow! I'll kill her!" He ground out through the pain.

"She's so strong. I can't believe she was already healed..." Petra was staring back from where they'd come, but slowly tuned to look at him.

"Thank you. For saving me. I'm...I'm sorry I lost my nerve like that. It was just when she snapped at Eld like-" she broke off and they both shared a look. "We have to get back to him. Now! Can you stand?"

She didn't wait for him to answer, slipping her arm through his yet again, this time supporting him.

The two started a slow, torturous limp back to try rescue their team mate.

"I just hope she hasn't gone back to him," Petra hissed against a searing burning in her back. She pressed her hand to it and it came away a startling shade of red, seeping into the dry crevices in her palm and fingers.

"What happened to your back?" Aurou demanded when he saw the blood. He made her stop, concern overbearing on his face. "Damn it! It looks like one of our swords caught you."

Petra could feel his fingers gently probing the area.

She went to check her blades, but realised she only had one working one. The other was jammed, the blade broken at the base. It's silver gleam beckoned her to slide it home into the kit on her side, letting it be born anew with a brand new blade.

It refused to release the broken blade though and she simply left it sitting in the case.

"I'm down to one blade. What about you? How's your gear?" She asked him.

He grimaced and checked his own over.

"Looks alright, a bit dented and bashed, but I think the mechanisms are all ok."

"Either way, we're in no position to fight back. We need to get Eld and get him some help," Petra grunted. Her breath was getting heavy and laboured, like something was soaking up the oxygenation room in her lungs.

Refusing to fail her teammates again, Petra pushed on, helping Aurou, the only thing that kept her upright. It took much longer than they would have liked, but they finally neared the clearance.

The tree the blonde titan had tried to kill her with - Petra shuddered internally at the surreal sight of what could have been her death spot - had toppled over slightly, catching against its neighbour.

"Ok, let's see if that cow is lurking around somewhere," Aurou puffed, his skin clammy and pale but his drive to get help for her and Eld keeping him on his feet.

With a silent agreement to separate in case action was needed, they cautiously entered the area.

It was clear she was gone, birds having returned to the scene and singing sweetly, a sick, cynical joke in the atmosphere.

Petra stood trying to get her bearings and find where Eld had gone down, the sun dappling down on her through the canopy of trees.

Looking over and seeing Aurou gingerly crouching on the ground quite a way away, she distractedly headed over to him.

"What is it?" She asked quietly.

Aurou looked up ahead, past where Petra had fled.

"It looks like there was a scuffle. As in, Titan on Titan scuffle," Aurou gave her a meaningful look.

Petra closed her eyes and sighed in frustration.

"Eren."

"He must have turned when he saw us go down. Damn kid, we told him to run," Aurou growled, but Petra knew it was more out of worry for the young boy.

"Can we blame him? He thought we'd all been killed. He probably didn't even think about it," Petra shook her head, still scanning the area."We can't do anything now except find Eld."

Turning back the other way, she pointed to the trees, her ribs and back burning, her breathing still laboured and crackling. She figured adrenaline was the only thing keeping her going.

"I think he fell over there."

Aurou stood slowly, his eye basically swollen closed as he frowned at her.

"Petra, your breathing doesn't sound good. Can you breath properly?" He asked her worriedly.

"Don't worry about me. I got this far, I'm not going to stop until we have Eld," she insisted, walking ahead of him.

They searched the trees and it didn't take long until they found him, blonde hair stained red from where he'd hit his head on the tree.

He was utterly still and sickeningly pale, especially against the starkness of the blood.

Petra froze as Aurou once again fell into a crouch, checking their friend for a pulse.

"Is he..." She couldn't bring herself to finish that sentence.

"No, his pulse is weak, but there," he stated over his shoulder. Petra sighed in relief, her gaze now travelling his unconscious body.

Giving a horrified gasp, she felt her eyes widen.

"Aurou, his leg," she croaked out.

Aurou's attention turned down to take in Eld's leg, twisted back at an impossible angle.

"Shit," he hissed, moving over to take gentle hold of the mangled limb.

"Help me move him," he ordered, not looking at her as she visibly blanched.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? What if we do more damage?" She fretted.

"Look, at this stage I don't think it can get any worse," he argued, his waved blonde hair stuck to his head with sweat, dirt and the general trauma they'd gone through.

"Alright, alright!" She grimaced as he shot her a look, causing her to give in and move to hold Eld's side up so Aurou could straighten out the leg.

With great effort on their injured parts, they managed to get him lying in the recovery position, with his leg looking less atrocious.

The physical exertion had worsened the state of Petra's chest and lungs, and she was nearly bent over double trying catch her breath.

She waved away Aurou's efforts to help her - he couldn't do anything, anyway, she argued with herself.

"Wh-what do we do now?" She rasped, holding her chest tight as if she could dispel this increasing feeling of her lungs filling with water.

"We need help. One of us will have to go for a wagon," he frowned unhappily, looking her over again, "I highly doubt you are in any shape to travel, especially alone... But I don't want to leave you both unprotected."

While she was grateful for the sentiment, Petra felt indignation swell up in her.

"I'll protect him if needs be. Trust me, I'm not going to let you guys down again." She shook her head angrily at herself.

"Petra, don't be ridiculous. You didn't fail us! For goodness sake, that thing isn't like anything we've fought before, it's perfectly sane to react the way you did," he brushed off her self blame angrily. "But I'm still not happy leaving you alone."

"Ugh, this is pointless! Look, he needs help, your gear is still slightly working. It makes sense for you to go," Petra urged, feeling they were wasting precious time.

Neither had time argue another point as the sound of 3DM gear whirled behind them.

Both soldiers turned, relief making Petra weak and shaky as Captain Levi landed, poised and deadly, and strode towards them without breaking pace once in his descension.

A deep frown was etched in his forehead and he reached them in a matter of seconds.

"You're alright," he stated simply, but Petra knew he was relieved, his face drawn and tense but his dark eyes kept flicking between his two conscious subordinates.

"Captain," Petra sighed softly, her eyes closing briefly before she and Aurou exchanged a relieved look.

"What the hell happened?" He demanded, moving over to crouch over Eld, his soldier instincts still working in full mode.

"That damned whore, she blind sighted us," Aurou growled, rubbing his damaged wrist subconsciously. "She snuck up on us in human form, wearing a Scouts cloak. She..." Aurou grimaced in agony as he ground out the heart wrenching sentence, "She killed Günter."

Levi's face didn't show surprise, his gaze still fixed on his examination of Eld's injuries. His voice, however, gave away a hint of his inner turmoil.

"I know. I found his body, but I couldn't find any of you. I must have missed Eld."

He paused for a second, before saying in a lower tone, "I tried to get here."

Petra knew exactly what he meant, of how he must have realised the trap they were headed into at the misguiding signal that had drawn them this way. Right to the slaughter.

"We thought it was you calling us, Captain," Petra said softly, her gaze unfocused and arms clenched to her sides. Levi looked up at her broken words, his calculating gaze holding her eyes for a few seconds before taking in her injuries.

"We need to get help. Can you two travel?" He demanded, already standing and preparing his gear.

"We'll manage," Aurou confirmed, knowing the Captain had this under control now.

"Alright, Aurou, help me get Eld up. The wagons and rescue parties should be near by. Let's get as far as we can."

The two men made plans, standing over Eld's body.

Petra stood a bit behind them, but their words were fast becoming unintelligible, her lungs so full now she could barely get enough oxygen in. Her head swam and her chest gurgled and bubbled.

She was vaguely aware that the men had glanced at her, asking, she thought, was she ok to move. With a nod, she dared herself to give up and lay down.

To make herself a burden to them.

Levi and Aurou had winched Eld upright, Aurou's bad wrist around his waist so his good one could grip his teammates arm to stop him falling.

Even with Levi, they were struggling forward under the weight of the unconscious Eld, who was tall and muscly.

Petra tried to follow, each step feeling like she was dragging through quicksand. She was vaguely aware that her breath was now rattling audibly out of her throat, sounding harsh and loud in her echoing ears.

The forest was spinning worse than when they'd ceased their death spiral through the air.

She fell to the right, caught herself on a tree and stumbled forward again.

She knew she couldn't keep going, but stubbornly kept putting one foot in front of the other. After only two or three steps though, her body couldn't function and she felt the world tilt.

As she pitched forwards, she saw Levi and Aurou turn to look at her with alarm, Levi starting to release his hold on Eld to catch his female squad member.

Next thing she knew, she was staring at the fluttering green carpet of tree tops, breathing ceasing.

Levi's face appeared over her, his mouth forming angry, soundless words. Her brain filtered them in though, maybe due to her unflinching loyalty and sense of duty.

He was ordering her to stay awake, that she better not dare close her eyes.

She realised then, that her lids were shuttering up and down of their own accord, fighting directions.

Wanting to obey her Captain, she forced her eyes open.

Fuzzy, echoing words seeped in; Levi was saying something about a collapsed lung, no oxygen getting in.

Could she have spoken right then, she would have told him that was obvious, and how did he think he'd cope breathing through this soup occupying her lungs?

More words were exchanged, Aurou's worried tone mixing with Levi's clipped one.

The Captains face was above her again, telling her... What? Pressure... Something would hurt?

Suddenly, there was a harsh pop-crack and something jabbed into her chest. The agony was temporary as it felt like someone had blasted the liquid back in her lungs and gushed air in.

Petra felt her body give a heaving gasp as it dragged in as much air as it could, resulting in her chest giving a new, different burning sensation as the sudden intake of air proved overwhelming.

She shot upwards as a moist, racking cough claimed her ribcage.

Her head and hearing had cleared, the sudden freeness of it all making everything seem too loud, too clear.

She was folded forward, hacking and rasping in breath, stillness and awareness taking hold of her once again.

A hand was on her back, it's pair firmly gripping her upper arm.

"Easy, Petra. Just take deep breaths, in through the nose, out the mouth."

She realised it was Levi's voice near her ear, his face close to hers as he tried to ensure she was fully present again and recovering her breath. His dark hair was falling into his face as frowned worriedly at her.

She could only nod in response, feeling drained and woozy. She glanced up to see Eld had been hastily propped against a tree ahead of her, still no way near consciousness.

He had to get help. They had to go.

Petra tried to get up, fully intending to try carry him herself if she had to. He needed help, now!

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Her Captain demanded, holding her in place with his shocking strength.

"Captain, we have to get him help. Hav-have to..." She gave another cough as her lungs greedily protested to her speaking so soon and wasting the sweet air that had been denied to them.

"Give yourself a minute, Petra," Aurou told her over her coughing fit, standing near her right shoulder. "We'll get him help."

"Shit."

She heard the word hissed once again, this time quietly from Levi. She glimpsed over her left shoulder to see him looking at the hand that had been on her back, it too stained crimson as hers had been when she'd felt her wound earlier.

"That's it. Aurou, I need to take care of these two. Can you manage to go ahead? You're not going to collapse on me, too?" He asked gruffly, battling the pros and cons of his options.

"Yes, my gear is still operational, Captain. I'll get help," he nodded, his injuries and needs being shoved aside for Eld and herself.

Again, she felt indignation and shame flickering through her throbbing body.

"Good, go. Watch yourself," Levi warned, his closest version of care and worry he could give.

With a stiffness to his usual grace (he usually tried to copy the Captains moves, but in reality, he was actually very lithe and athletic anyway), he launched off with his gear, disappearing through the trees in seconds.

"Captain, I could have kept going," Petra insisted.

He gave a derisive snort, eyeing her with well due doubt.

"You couldn't breath two seconds ago. I hardly think you can walk," his deep voice stated as he fell behind her line of vision.

"You need to take off your jacket," he ordered, already reaching for the shoulders gently but firmly.

"Why?" She asked, eyebrows rising in query.

"I need to stop your back bleeding. I think you've lost enough oxygen, let's not add bleeding out to the list," he retorted, her jacket now half off.

She winced in pain as she had to twist to help Levi get the second arm out. With that out of the way, he rolled up her shirt, no hesitation or reaction.

Any other time, she would have felt flustered at being so unprofessionally turned out before her superior, but now, she couldn't bring herself to care all that much.

Petra could feel his strong, warm hands brush over the wound, checking for debris before looking to stem it.

She heard him give a satisfied grunt that it was, in fact clean, before he, too, had his jacket off. Petra was too weak and dazed to react as he pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a toned, rippling torso.

Before she could even blink, he had shrugged his jacket back on, zipping it to cover himself before turning to the task at hand.

With a shredding fabric noise, he had ripped the bottom of his shirt off, wadding it up and pressing it to her back.

"Your shirt!" She managed to gasp, shocked at his apparent lack of care for his once pristine item of clothing.

"Is a shirt. I can replace that. You, not so easily," he muttered. Petra almost smiled at that, but again, she was too weak and shaky to really register it.

Holding the shirt-turned-bandage gently in place with a knee, he used the length of the arms and top part of the shirt to wrap around her chest, his arms briefly encircling her in an almost embrace, solid and safe, as he overlapped the arms and tied the padding in place.

"That will have to do," he announced, folding her shirt back down and helping her back into her jacket.

Coming around to crouch in front of her now, he held her gaze steadily, his steely eyes sucking her attention to him.

"Do you think you can stand? Seriously, not bullshitting me," he demanded.

Giving herself a mental once over, she braced her legs. They were weak and wobbly, but she'd recovered enough that she could probably support herself. She nodded at him and he took a firm hold of her forearms, heaving her to her feet.

The sudden move caused her head to rush and she fell forwards.

Levi caught her, holding her to his chest and glaring into her eyes.

"Sorry, Captain. Head rush, I'm ok," she reassured him.

With a sceptical look, he slowly released her, a hand hovering close to her in case he needed to right her again.

She stood steadier this time, and Levi gave her a last glance before turning back to Eld.

"He'll be ok won't he? He... He's going to wake up, right?" Petra asked nervously, not liking how pale her friend was.

"It's hard to say. We'll have to wait and see what the doctors say," he replied, checking the cut on Eld's head. The blood had crusted in series of lines down his face, his jaw starting to bruise heavily and swell.

He was so hurt. All because of that treacherous beast.

That brought a terrifying question to Petra's mind - terrifying, because she feared she already knew the answer.

"Captain?" She asked cautiously. He glanced at her briefly with a frown on his face, thinking she was about to faint again.

"The female Titan... What happened to her?"

Levi went quiet, mulling over his words. With a sigh, he answered simply.

"We lost her."

Petra had known something like that would be his answer, but it didn't make it any easier.

"And what about Eren?"

"I carried him back and left him with Mikasa and the medics. Unconscious," he clarified for her questioning look.

They were supposed to protect him, now Eren was seriously hurt, too. What had they done?

She put her face in her hands and just breathed, trying to process everything.

They'd been led into an attack they knew nothing about, with vague orders. Soldiers had died left, right and centre and they had lost Günter while being the only thing between the Titan and Eren.

Now, Eld and Eren were seriously injured, Aurou would be out of action for a few weeks at least and she felt like the biggest failure, not to mention how she felt shaken to the core.

She'd nearly died today, closer than she'd ever been before to death.

Letting out a noisy gush of air, she lifted her face again to find Levi watching her.

"We'll get her, Petra. I'll do everything in my power to take that traitor down," he swore to her, his voice ringing with certainty and power.

She smiled a small smile at him, nodding her head.

"I know, Captain."

She never doubted the Captain would let this be the end. He'd fight for the justice the fallen soldiers deserved.

For the justice the survivors deserved.

After a few more minutes, Petra had to sit on the ground, exhaustion lacing her every fibre.

Levi rooted in his pockets and took out a handkerchief - why he had one in his military uniform, she did not know, but it was Levi - and handed it to her.

She looked at it blankly for a second before turning her questioning gaze to him.

"For your head," he nodded at her, and she vaguely remembered feeling something cut her forehead.

She reached out and took it with a sheepish look. Good grief, she was a right mess.

"I seem to be ruining your uniform Captain," she joked lightly, pressing and dabbing the handkerchief to her cut.

He gave a breathy snort of laughter, surprised she could still joke in a time like this.

He supposed it was Eld's influence rubbing off; he always had an uncanny ability to be able to make people laugh, no matter what the situation.

Not that Levi would admit it, but he'd nearly - nearly - made him laugh a few times when his mood couldn't be darker. He just had that naturally funny personality that made him so likeable.

Glimpsing down at him now, he looked like he'd never say anything funny again, that his paling eyelids would never open.

He didn't dare voice this to Petra. She'd be devastated.

"Where is Aurou?" Levi muttered under his breath, worried he, too, was down and had not found help.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon," Petra soothed, but her gaze never left the blood stained rag in her hand.

It wasn't long after that when they heard the unmistakable noise of horses and a rattling carriage.

"About time," Levi muttered, standing up, at the same time Petra sighed a 'thank goodness'.

The Captain went to hail the carriage over, Petra rising tenderly to her feet and standing over Eld.

Levi came back with the carriage in tow, no sign of their comrade.

"Where's Aurou?" She frowned, looking on as a few men hopped out and headed their way.

Levi stood beside her, his shoulder nearly flush with hers.

"Medics made him stay behind. Wise choice, none of you are fit to travel long distance on foot or in air," he said, as he watched the retrieval of Eld with hawk eyes.

The soldiers stabilised his leg after Petra informed them on its condition when they'd found him.

It was only when they were laying his body down across the wooden bottom that a horrifying thought struck Petra.

"Captain! We can't go yet. We have to get Günter," she snagged his sleeve, a serious expression on her face. No way was their fallen comrade being left behind.

Levi's went rigid for a split second at this thought, but he pushed it away, turning to the soldiers who came in the carriage.

"Where's the recovery team?"

"They're working a few miles down the forest... There's a lot of soldiers to collect," a mousy brown haired boy informed them solemnly.

"There's one more. Just south of this clearing. He's suspended on his 3DM gear, so you'll have to cut him down," Levi told him. Petra had no idea how he kept his voice so steady and even.

The same boy nodded, relaying this to the higher ranking soldier of their group. The man sent a red haired girl to go tell the recovery team where to collect Günter.

"Don't worry. We'll get him," the boy nodded.

"Thank you," Petra spoke softly. That was a conversation that she never imagined having to have, despite the harsh reality of their job.

The soldiers resumed their task and Petra stood, hugging her chest with her arms.

When their friend was safely in the carriage, Levi hopped in quickly ahead of her and reached down, firmly holding her forearms again. He helped her up, supporting her upper body when she cringed and flinched in pain.

"Easy. Here, sit down," he ordered softly, lowering her gently to sit opposite Eld's unconscious form. His hand gently slid across her back as he released her, not letting go of the hand he guided her over with until the last second.

Petra glimpsed his expression as he finally released her and turned to ask the soldiers something; it was sort of protective. Even the way he stood, almost shielding her from the other soldiers. It struck Petra as odd, although for all she knew, she was imaging it. She had lost quite a bit of blood... And oxygen, maybe to the brain, resulting in her delusions that the Captain was being just so caring.

Not that he wasn't a caring man. Petra and the boys knew that he was and that he was capable of sharing his emotions, that he just didn't show it that often.

Snapping back to the present, Petra realised he was now lowering himself to sit beside her, his muscular legs splayed out beside hers, arms folded defensively against his chest.

One of the soldiers turned to them and told them they were rendezvousing with the main group heading back to the wall. The carriage set off with a flick of the reins, the wheels trundling and bouncing, jolting her aching body.

She was watching a middle aged man hover over Eld, checking him over.

"Are you actually a doctor?" She called over the noise of the wood creaking and horses snorting.

The soldier turned to look at Petra, his sandy eyebrows hitched upwards.

"No, field paramedic, so close enough right now," he informed her.

"What do you think?" She called, leaning over to be heard clearer over the other conversation between the carriage drivers, as well.

The man, grimaced and shook his, looking at Eld.

"Well, head injuries are always unique unto themselves. And considering he got hit by that Titan, then the tree, we don't know what other underlaying problems there are. Your squad mate filled us in on what happened when he found us," he answered her questioning frown as he detailed the event.

Petra shook her head and gave an exasperated sigh.

"So there's no telling how long he'll be unconscious for?" She persisted, just needing to hear it clarified: that he would, indeed, wake up.

The field medic swapped a look with Levi, who turned to Petra instead.

"Petra, look. He'll wake up when his body is ready. Right now, it needs to heal. So stop bothering the man and let him do his job," his deep voice rumbled at her, but his tone didn't make the words harsh, just insistent and firm.

"Yes, Captain," she merely nodded, still un satisfied by the lack of a definitive answer. She winced slightly as they hit a bump in the road, her ribs and lungs still feeling inflamed and raw.

"How about you? You look a little worse for wear," the man now smiled at her, and she found herself oddly annoyed. They should be focusing on Eld, not her.

"I'm fine," she lied.

"Petra," Levi scolded, looking straight ahead with his arms crossed.

The man glimpsed at Levi who nodded at him.

"Just let me take a look, ok? Make sure you don't need anything seen to right away," the paramedic insisted gently.

With a sigh, Petra complied, answering his questions.

"My ribs are probably the worst, but they'll be fine," she said uncomfortably.

"Mind if I check them over?"

Petra shot Levi a glance, wondering did she have to. He looked at her sideways and gave another nod.

Gingerly lifting her right arm, she allowed the man to feel over her ribs, wincing as he pressed against her bottom ribs.

"This is where the pains worst?"

She gave a slight nod in way of answer. Sighing, Levi turned his attention to the sandy headed man, knowing Petra was not going to be very helpful.

"She had a punctured lung when I got to them. Had to release the pressure. She probably broke a rib or two. Also, there's a deep laceration on her back. I bandaged it for now, but it will need sticthes," his voice was neutral as he listed off her injuries.

"Hmm, you've cracked a couple, alright. Which would explain the punctured lung. As for the wound on your back, may I have a look?" Petra blinked at him before looking over to the other men huddled in the carriage. Turning her unimpressed look back to Levi, he was already denying the man the permission, shaking his head once.

"She'll be fine until we get back, where the doctor can check her - in private," he stared at the men pointedly and the paramedic nodded.

"Ok then. Well, I can't really do anything about your ribs here. So, just sit tight, ok?" He smiled easily at her. She felt bad for being so uncharacteristically short and unhelpful, but she was too damn tired, sore and worried to being focused on herself.

"So... Can I ask - what exactly happened that you all ended up like this?" He hesitantly asked. Petra stared at him for a few seconds, images flashing through her mind before shaking her head.

"I.. Ugh... It's not something I really want to talk about," she looked down, playing with a seam on her cape.

"She must have been so strong, to take down the Levi squad," another man stated, his face pale and drawn, clearly not used to this level of violence and loss. Petra felt a tug of pride, but it was vastly overwhelmed by several other vying emotions. Not good ones, either.

"Well... She snuck up on us in human form. Sent a signal to call us to her. She... We didn't even see her take Günter out," Petra bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stop the slew of emotions threatening to break forth.

"Then what?" The pale faced man asked softly, looking terrified still but like he needed to know.

With a sigh, Petra continued.

"She went Titan again, trying to lure Eren away. We told him to run, that we had it. Eld led a faux attack and Aurou and myself managed to blind her. You probably know this already, Captain, but she has highly advanced defensive skills," she glanced at Levi who nodded, listening intently to her words despite himself, "She was protecting her neck, so we just started... Hacking at her arms. Eventually the muscles gave out and Eld went in for the kill."

Petra was reliving it in her head now, she could see the moment that big blue eye rounded on them, nearly taking Eld away, too.

"She somehow managed to regenerate one eye... She nearly swallowed Eld, he just missed her. She backhanded him and he hit that tree. Then she... I don't know, when she looked at me... I just.. I'm sorry, Captain, I lost my nerve," she looked at him with a sorrowful expression, and Levi felt a wave of shock that that was what she was thinking about, letting him down. He felt a strong need to comfort her, to tell her it was ok, but he held his tongue as she continued.

"She would have crushed me with her foot, but Aurou managed to knock me out of the way. But then, she grabbed his cables and slung us into the forest. That's how we got hurt - he broke his wrist and one of our swords caught my back. It took us nearly half an hour to walk back."

"A half hour? She threw you that far?" The medic frowned, sitting back on his heels. Petra realised the whole carriage was looking at her, minus the driver. Levi was frowning at the floor, his mouth pulled down at the edges.

She suddenly felt very awkward and exposed, like telling them of her most awful moment in life was showing a big, ugly wound, her weakness and failure on full display.

"Yeah. So.. That's what happened," she finished abruptly. She snapped the mood from the carriage, looking down at her feet as the men sensed her unhappiness and left her alone. The medic turned to check Eld once more, the soldiers turn into talk with the driver.

Petra felt her cheeks burn with emotions and wanted to leap from the back of the carriage and run and hide. Why did she feel the need to blurt that out?

Suddenly, subtly, Levi reached over and grasped her hand gently, giving her fingers a squeeze.

"Happens to us all. You can't blame yourself for having a natural reaction," he muttered quietly, so it was between only him and her. Her pulse seemed to exaggerate in that hand and Petra didn't dare move, shocked at the gesture from her Captain, especially in front of these soldiers, not that they were looking.

"I should have been stronger," she whispered, hot, wetness invading her eyes. She refused to let them fall, for if she did now, she knew they wouldn't stop.

"Petra, stop. The three of you took her on after losing Günter, you sent Eren to safety. You followed you orders. That's all I ask of you," he said firmly, the two of them still staring straight ahead.

With a nod, Petra managed to bite back the tears, Levi's words soothing some of the ragged emotion in her.

How could he forgive her so easily? She'd been a coward and could have got Aurou killed because of that. Yet, here he was, hand gripping hers, showing her he still supported her as one of his team.

That small gesture was one that would forever be dear to her, a spot of light in the dark times submerging her.

With a slightly lighter heart, she sat and waited for this nightmare to be over, Levi's hand resting on hers and keeping her from the dark.

 **I realise I didn't go back yet to the point where she flashed back from... But this ended up way longer than expected! So it'll be the start off point for chapter two!**

 **Hope you enjoyed**

 **God bless! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, I know I said I'd be going back to the present point at the start of this chapter... But this story is becoming ridiculously longer than I'd planned! So.. It could be a while! Sorry!**

 **I'm warning you guys now - prepare for a short rant! Feel free to skip. But anyone who feels the same, don't be afraid to PM me! None of my friends watch this show, so I need to rant to people who appreciate the show and characters!**

 **I was re-watching the last few episodes of AoT for this story, and it's truly the most heartbreaking show ever!**

 **I was balling crying (Everytime!) and so emotional.**

 **The whole camaraderie between Team Levi is so awe inspiring, they are so amazing then - bam! Gone!**

 **Poor Levi literally has the closet thing he has to a family ripped away from him and he want even there to help them (not his fault at all obviously)! The feeling of helplessness and loneliness that must hit him.. Poor man, he doesn't even get the satisfaction of getting justice/revenge, whichever you want to call it in this case!**

 **Then, in the final episodes, he doesn't even know of the attack until it's planned out and Erwin won't let him fight, possibly because of emotional trauma he ensued... Ugh really leaves me depressed! But I love it so much..**

 **I'm hoping they bring back at least Petra, either in flash backs or in real life (I know most of you are groaning now going, oh please, get over it! But I can't! :'( )**

 **Last thing, imagine if Team Levi had been successful in taking Annie out in the clearing? Imagine how proud Levi would have been and how much the Special Ops Squad would have been appreciated?**

 **Ugh, a girl can dream ( hence my user name! :P )**

 **Anyway, so sorry, probably scared half you guys away but I had to get it out or I'd explode! Other die hard fans will hopefully understand or at least pretend!**

 **...**

 **Please enjoy and I'll try refrain from ranting in future... :/**

 **Sorry again! Officially shutting up!**

* * *

Chapter Two

The sun was setting as they returned to the Wall, the atmosphere tense and heavy. It hadn't been an easy journey back.

Some soldiers had taken it upon themselves to retrieve their friends body from a Titan infested area, despite being ordered not to. This resulted in them being chased down by several of the towering nightmares.

Thankfully, the blonde titan made no appearance.

After having to release some of the bodies to lighten the load, an impossible but necessary act, the remainder of the 57th expedition had returned, with only a fraction of the soldiers who had left.

On Levi's insistence, the remainder of his team were taken through a different route in through the city on entering the gates, keeping a low profile.

They weren't sure why he suddenly felt the need to keep them secret, but agreed he had his reasons.

Levi waved off Mikasa's insistence that he get his leg checked out after his encounter in the forest, warning her to keep it to herself.

The only thing he was concerned with was getting his team looked after and finding out form Erwin what the hell was going to happen now.

Petra's body was so weak when they reached the hospital, she could barely stand. Aurou had to help her out the carriage and through the building. Eld was carted off, needing immediate care.

She and Aurou were then tended to, the staff distracted and uptight, bracing themselves for the onslaught of patients that weren't far behind them.

Aurou had shattered his left wrist in several places and pulled muscles in his back.

Petra had cracked two ribs and nicked her right lung, the laceration on her back and cut on her forehead needing nearly a dozen stitches.

She was put on antibiotics for her punctured lungs and told they would have to keep an eye to make sure it healed on its own.

The nurses treated all their cuts, scratches and bruises, gave them pain killers and sent them to rest in a small room with two beds, where they were told to stay put.

When they argued they needed to go, they were told they were under Captain Levi's orders.

So, they went and waited in their assigned room.

It was comfy, the beds opposite each other with lots of pillows, plants and an armchair decorating the room. The golden pink sunset pooled through the window, but neither soldier noticed nor cared about any of this.

Aurou paced restlessly, Petra sat stiff on the bed, too wired to sleep, but too sore and exhausted to stand.

After what felt like hours, a knock sounded on the door and a older, kind faced nurse entered, her smile thin and tired, but genuine non the less.

"How are you two feeling? Sorry, it's been so long since anyone's checked on you. As you can probably imagine, it's been mayhem out there. Can I get you anything?"

"We need to go check on our comrades. They were both unconscious upon return to the Wall," Petra informed her, desperate to go check on Eld and Eren.

The nurse pursed her lips, looking back and forth between the two soldiers.

"Well, the good Captain has ordered you stay put... But I can't imagine stretching your legs would do any harm," she faked a frown, a twinkle in her eyes as she checked her patient boards with their info on it.

After a minute of deliberation, she stood aside, holding the door open.

"You have half an hour to get food and do whatever else you need to do. I expect to see these beds occupied when I return," she stated, delicate eyebrows raised as she looked at the exiting soldiers.

Petra gave a heartfelt thanks as she went by and the woman smiled before strolling down the corridor towards the nurses station.

"Right, let's go find Eld," Aurou strode down the hall, his ego starting to return now they'd rested and were in less pain.

Well, physical pain, Petra corrected herself. Neither squad mate had allowed themselves to venture to thoughts of their fallen friend, knowing it would be their undoing.

"Um, Aurou, do you even know where you're going?" Petra called after him doubtfully, watching him glimpse through doors.

"Of course, Petra dear. Now don't worry yourself, leave this to me," he waved a hand over his shoulder dismissively at her.

Yup, he was definitely feeling better. That, or he was feigning normality to lighten the heavy darkness that taken residence in them.

She couldn't really blame him, if that was the case. She craved normality right now.

After several wrong turns and dead ends, Aurou gave in when she pointed out their half hour would be up, and Petra stopped to ask someone.

"Let's see... Eren Yeager's room isn't listed here... But Eld Jin... Next floor up, room 223," the nurse informed her, smiling sweetly at her friend.

"You know, there's something not right about them hiding a beauty like you away behind a desk," Aurou stated in his flourishing voice he used when he was trying to be clever or sound like Captain Levi.

"Thank you," Petra interrupted, smiled back and turned, dragging Aurou away from the pretty blonde.

"Seriously, after what we went through today, you can even attempt flirting?" She fumed, marching down the hallway as fast as her body would allow in its present state.

Never mind him teasing her, that was easing the tension, but this took it too far.

"Petra dear, no need to get jealous! If you want-" he was teasing her when she spun and interrupted him.

"No! Not now, not today Aurou. _Please_. I know you're trying to lighten the mood or whatever, but please, have respect. Not today."

Humiliated, she realised she was on the verge of tears. She scrubbed angrily at her eyes before collapsing onto a bench in the empty corridor.

"Petra... I'm sorry. I was only trying... Huh..." Aurou sighed in defeat and slunk onto the bench beside her. His face held genuine remorse, realising he had pushed too far.

"I'm sorry, Aurou. It just doesn't feel right to be joking like old times. Not with everything that's happened," she looked at him with an equally defeated expression.

They sat for a moment, the inevitable darkness covering them again, mocking them for believing they could be rid of it. It was part of them now.

"Ugh, sorry for bringing down the mood again. I just can't take any of this," she croaked, her shoulders slumped.

"It's alright. You're right, I don't even know why I did that. Guess neither of us are quite as used to this as we thought," he stated, getting to his feet and offering her his hand.

She hesitated before taking it, letting him help her to her feet.

In companionable silence, they made their way to Eld's room.

Their friend was lying in a bed surrounded by machines and tubes. He looked so slight and pale, a shade of the Eld they knew and loved. They went in and stood quietly, not knowing what to say or do.

Petra ended up talking to him, saying meaningless things, just anything to cover the haunting silence.

After a few minutes, they decided there was nothing they could do, nor say, that would help any of them. So, promising they'd be back first thing tomorrow, they headed back downstairs.

By the time they had gathered food and relived themselves, it was just over their half hour.

They snuck down the hall, peering down at the nurses station.

The nurse who'd let them out was doing paperwork, but on seeing them she gave a nod in acknowledgement before turning her back on them purposely.

With a grateful smile, Petra slipped into the room after Aurou and shut the door.

* * *

The next morning did not greet Petra cheerfully. She'd barely slept, with nightmares of titans and beasts chasing her, of Günter running, always out of reach or his eyes glazed and vacant when she finally did catch up to him.

By the early hours of the morning, she decided sleep was pointless and had laid awake for the rest of the night, only napping fitfully before sunrise.

That was why she was an exhausted, sweaty mess when a nurse, different from last night, had come in to do early morning rounds.

Taking pity on her, the nurse, who told her her name was Cleo, led her to the bathrooms and helped her shower, after answering her questions about her squad mates.

The hot spray chased away the cobwebs of the nightmares, leaving her outside, at least, feeling cleansed. She had to be careful to avoid the stitches in her back and forehead, but that was where Cleo came in.

By a more reasonable hour, she and Aurou were clean, dressed in clean clothes and fed, heading up to Eld's room.

"I wonder if he's awake," Petra wondered aloud. She knew it was wishful thinking, that they would have been told if he was, but she still dared to hope.

Her fears were confirmed when they found him the same way as yesterday.

Sighing, she went to sit in a chair by his left side, the sun warming her back.

Aurou stood at the end of the bed, his grim expression mirroring how she felt.

"I feel so useless... I wish there was something we could do," she ground out in frustration.

"Unless you've suddenly become a doctor, no. There's nothing you can do," Aurou raised an eyebrow at her.

She resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him.

"I should have known I'd find you two here," a deep, rolling voice sounded from the door.

They turned to find Levi leaning, arms crossed, against the door frame.

"You two should be resting," he frowned, looking at them almost accusingly.

"Captain, we had to come see him. We were going stir crazy down there," Petra appealed to him.

He said nothing, just walked up to stand on the opposite side of Eld.

"What did the doctors say about his condition?" Aurou asked, the three of them surrounding their friend.

Levi sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"They don't think there's any internal bleeding. His legs rightly messed up, broken bones, torn ligaments. He won't be in any shape to fight for a long time," he stated coldly.

Petra stared at him, willing him to be joking.

"A long time as in... _Months_.. Or _ever_?" She asked, a pool of dread filling her stomach.

Levi merely looked at her the same way he had when she'd asked would he wake up.

"What about his head?"

"They've given him anti inflammatories for the swelling and are keeping him on the IV drip. As I told you yesterday, the rest is up to him."

Petra leant back in her chair, absently rubbing her ribs. There were some bumps and dips in them now, solid evidence they were broken when the pain was dulled by medication.

"Didn't they give you pain killers?" Levi frowned at her.

She nodded her head in affirmative, smiling sheepishly at him.

"Yes, Captain. Don't mind me. How's Eren?" She tried to change topic, not wanting his focus on her.

"The brat will be fine. Thanks to his weird ass powers, he'll probably heal pretty quickly," he waved her concern for the young boy off.

" _Probably_? As in he hasn't yet?" It was her turn to frown.

"What are you, his mother? Yes, he will be fine. He's awake and being Molly-coddled by his girlfriend."

Moving away from the bed, Levi headed to the door again.

"Anyway, I just came to check on you all. I've to go back to Erwin and Hanji. Get some rest. I'll be back in a few hours."

He was just closing the door when he stuck his head back in.

"And Petra, no more annoying the staff with a million questions. Just shut up and let them do their job."

He left her with her mouth hanging open, indignation flaring up again.

"Shut up, Aurou."

Flinging an old paper at her chuckling team mate, she crossed her arms angrily.

Well, excuse her for caring.

* * *

"We have to try _something_. I'll be damned if I let that traitor away with this," Levi was growling, his temper and patience both long worn out.

"No one is suggesting that, Levi," Pixis' gravelly voice berated the young Captain. "We will do everything in our power to take her out."

"And now we know she's military, we have a solid lead," Erwin added.

"Yeah, it only took half the Scout's lives to get a damned _lead_ ," Levi snapped back bitterly.

"Levi, it was a necessary sacrifice. It wasn't one we wanted to take, nor could we have foreseen how it backfired. But had we not taken those precautions, we could have ensued a serious fight closer to home," Hanji tried to reason with her short friend. "There was no way I could have even imagined the lengths she would go to to survive when I designed the trap. Her advancement is extraordinary, but left underestimated, could have been our downfall."

Knowing they were right, Levi clenched his jaw and leant back in his chair. He had one elbow propped on the table, sitting with his side to his comrades.

"So, what? We wait until we have another half assed plan and try flush her out? How many more soldiers have to die before we catch the bitch?"

His voice was low and venomous, his outrage and pain lashing out through him.

"There is nothing else we can do until we find out more and regather our troops," Erwin insisted firmly, not backing down from Levi's angry outburst.

"That, and there's the funeral services for the dead soldiers. Families are being informed later this evening, now the final count and identities have been doubly confirmed," Hanji added.

Levi glared around the table, hardly able to believe they were all so reluctant to act.

The longer they waited, the more the nameless traitor could be covering her tracks.

No longer being able to stomach the fellow leaders and this whole conversation, Levi stood, scraping back his chair.

"Well, fine then. Let me know when your all finished sitting on your asses and braiding each other's hair."

With a dark expression on his face, Levi strode out the door, slamming it on Hanji's protests.

"Well, that went well," Pixis smiled, taking a swig from his ever-present flask.

"Huh, Levi just can't see the bigger picture right now. He'll come around. In fact, excuse me gentlemen, I need to talk to him," Hanji stood, excusing herself in a more civilised manner than Levi.

Erwin watched her go, brown hair whisking out the door, and was just about to leave, himself, when a knock sounded on the opposite door.

Frowning at Pixis, who merely shrugged, Erwin raised his booming voice.

"Come in."

"Forgive the intrusion, sirs," a blonde head appeared around the door, several soldiers behind his shoulder.

"Armin, what can I do for you?" Erwin inquired.

"Well, sir, it's actually what _I_ can do for _you_ ," the boy said nervously, his intelligent eyes full of nervous anticipation.

"Oh? And what would that be?" Erwin's interest was piqued.

Glancing over his shoulder at the other soldiers with him, Armin was encouraged by a girl with hair as dark and straight as her expression. Nodding, the blonde boy drew himself taller and took a deep breath before delivering the game changing news.

"Sir, I believe I know who the Female Titan is."

Erwin and Pixis exchanged a look before he turned his serious gaze back to the cadet.

"Armin, I think you should all come in and shut the door."

* * *

On leaving the meeting, Levi was in a worse mood then he had already been.

"Levi!" Hanji's voice called after him as he stormed down the stone steps from the HQ, his limp from his and Mikasa's rescue of Eren slightly showing through. He'd done his best to cover it up, but Hanji could see it in the way the stairs forced it out in his gait.

"What is it four eyes? I don't feel like going over every explicit detail of this. Go bother Erwin, he knows what's going on more than I do," he waved her away.

"That's not what I want to talk to you about," she panted, catching up with him easily enough.

"What then?"

"Your squad."

Levi stopped dead, turning to stare at the eccentric woman.

"What about my squad?" He demanded.

"Well, I was so sorry to hear about Günter, he was such a lovely guy. Very smart, could have been a tactical engineer-"

"Hanji! Your point?"

"I know the rest of them are pretty injured. I'm sorry about that too. What I'm wondering is will they be well enough to join you for this future mission, do you think?"

Hanji wasn't a fool; she knew he cared deeply for his team. He was clearly upset, his anger flaring up much quicker than usual.

Without directly bringing it up or asking, she was trying to get him to consider taking a new team, her worry for his squad bearing heavy on her.

She'd become close with Team Levi, what with spending so much work and off time with Levi.

His team was never far away, especially Petra. It seemed he had taken her to almost be his personal guard or assistant, she couldn't decide which.

She also guessed he had a soft spot for the young woman.

Petra clearly had feelings for him, too, although she kept it close to the belt.

Hanji couldn't help noticing these things though, it was just in her observant nature.

She didn't think either person was aware of the others feelings, nor would she spill the beans to anyone.

When she'd heard of how seriously his squad had been attacked, she took it upon herself to find out the extent of the damage.

It was bad.

Eren and Aurou were the least injured, although that would have been because of

Eren's abilities.

Aurou would still need weeks rest. Apart from his shattered wrist, his back muscles had been quite strained and damaged. Over work them too quickly and he could be looking at permanent damage.

Petra would also need a lot of time to heal, her lungs needing delicate healing time. If she was negligent about that, it could lead to some serious issues.

Eld - poor Eld, Hanji wasn't sure he'd ever be able to fight again. His leg was nearly in an irreparable state. He would have to undergo serious physiotherapy and possible reconstructive surgery, which was costly and extensive.

That was when he even woke up.

Then, there was the fact Levi had lost a man.

Günter had always been a curious being to her, smart but not open about it. He kept it to himself and seemed content in his position, despite Hanji having offered him a more... scientific route.

Levi would have killed her, of course, for poaching his subordinates, but it was a chance she wouldn't refuse the young soldier.

Alas, he was happy to stay put.

Now, neither had him and Hanji was truly sorry for that.

"Why do you want to know?" Levi narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her. He was just too perceptive

Sighing dramatically, she decided she'd just lay it out.

"Levi, I think you should find a new team."

She prepared for the explosion.

"And why the hell would I do that?" He challenged, knowing exactly why but daring her to say it.

Knowing he needed to face truths, she bulled ahead. No one else would be brave enough to stand up to him and say it.

"Eren's fate is a total mystery right now. Eld may not walk again properly, or will be out for at least a year. Aurou needs time for his wrist and back to heal and Petra-"

Levi's eyes flashed angrily at her name, and he cut her off, as if he refused to hear what would keep her from his team.

"Hanji, don't you think I know what state they are in? I was there to pick them up off the ground. Literally, in most cases. So why would you feel the need to point this out? I'm aware. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm fast losing interest in this conversation," he snarled and spun on his heel, halfway down the stairs before she could respond.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Levi returned to the hospital and he was in a foul mood. He snapped at everyone from Petra herself, to the poor nurses trying to change Eld's IV bag.

Petra had no idea what had happened that made his so cross, but she wished he'd just relax.

Things were tense and horrible enough as it was without adding his drama to it.

Eventually, she'd had enough and needed to escape a while.

"Captain, why don't I go get us all coffee? I need a pick me up," she stretched, her bum gone numb from sitting in the chair for so long.

Levi glared at her a second before pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Fine," he shot out the word, eyes like unruly storms, restless and ready to unleash their fury.

Relief spread through her and she subtly got up from her seat, wincing at her ribs, which seemed to sear at every movement now.

She was nearly out the door when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Levi following her, Aurou looking highly amused in the armchair in the corner.

"Where are you going, Captain?"

She hoped it wasn't with her.

He stared at her like she'd said the stupidest thing in the world.

"To get coffee. You think you'll be able to carry them on your own?" He challenged.

She could only let out a sheepish laugh.

"No, of course not."

Crap, now what had she done? The pair walked in silence, and though Petra usually broke it with easy banter that Levi listened to but didn't participate in mostly, she found she had no thoughts that didn't revolve around death, despair and pain right now.

She didn't feel like making him snap more or her cry in front of him, so she stayed quiet.

In the canteen, they headed for the coffee maker, Petra immediately reaching for the pot.

Levi, not expecting her to make it in her condition, also reached forward and their hands brushed together on the handle, causing Petra to shoot hers back with a mumbled apology.

Levi merely paused and continued reaching for it, picking it up and nodding for her to get three mugs.

Petra bit her lip as he poured, her adding milk to the three mugs and a shave of sugar to hers and Aurou's.

She could sense his gaze and looked up to find him looking at her with narrowed eyes.

"Ah.. Is something wrong, Captain?" She hesitantly asked, keeping his gaze this time.

He didn't look so much angry anymore, just pensive and unhappy.

"Günter's family are being informed of his death this evening," was his toneless answer.

Petra's hand froze mid stir, her gaze snapping back to his.

"Oh."

Staring down into the mug, the dark brown turning a paler shade as the milk clouded together, she felt like she was drowning in its dark depths.

They didn't know.

They would soon know. And then their lives would never be the same again.

Picking up two of the mugs, she wandered without seeing over to an empty table and chairs, slowly, heavily, lowering herself into it.

Levi followed her slowly, pulling out a chair opposite hers.

"You alright?"

"Sorry, Captain, I just... Need to sit for a minute. They don't know already?" She turned her eyes upon his, not able to comprehend the fact that they were still obliviously happy, and suddenly they just... wouldn't be.

"No, not as we're aware. Anyway, even if they know, an official notice has to be given by the military. It's just the way things are done," he shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee.

"So.. Who makes the notice?"

"Tch, this coffee tastes like sewage. A member of the the soldiers regiment, so a Scout representative. They inform the family, offer a bull of an apology on behalf of the military.."

He continued but Petra didn't hear him.

They couldn't let some stranger who didn't even know Günter tell his family! No way.

"No. Captain, I'm sorry, but it just _cannot_ be done like that," she didn't even register she'd interrupted him. He raised his eyebrows at her and her interruption.

"I've met Günter's family. They're some of the nicest people I've ever met. And Günter was our friend... We can't let some stranger break his family's hearts. Please, Captain. Someone else has to do it, someone who knew him," she begged, this meaning more to her than she could explain.

He looked deep into her golden eyes, trying to pinpoint the swirl of emotion rippling through them.

After a few seconds of deliberation, he leant back.

"So who exactly should I get to do it, hmm?"

Petra drew her finger along the rim of her cup, knowing who, but not sure Levi would agree to it.

"Well, sir... I think we should do it. We knew him best, you're his Captain and I'm the only conscious person who had the chance to meet his parents. It just makes sense. And i think he'd be happier if we did it, too," she said softly, feeling ridiculous but better in herself.

Levi's eyes bored into her, making her squirm slightly, but she held firm on her request.

"You want us to be the ones to deliver the news that their son is dead?" He asked, wanting to be sure she knew what she asking to do. "You want to be the one who rips away their happiness?"

"Um... Yes. But not like that," she gulped, an unsure frown on her face now.

They sat for a few seconds before she spoke softly, a determined resolve taking hold of her expression now.

"It has to come from us. They have to know what he died for and how much he meant to us, not just another faceless soldier to a Scout representative. It has to be us," she insisted gently.

Levi was silent, leaning forward on the table with his arms crossed.

"Very well, then. We leave in an hour."

He stood and emptied his coffee before taking the two mugs in front of her and leading the way back to Eld's room.

Outside the door, he paused and handed her back the mugs.

"I'm going to tell them to cancel the notice, that I'll take care of it," his voice was heavy and unenthusiastic. Turning on his heel, he headed for the exit. He called back over a shoulder to her.

"I hope you're ready for this, Petra."

* * *

The two soldiers were some of the only people out on the streets that evening.

Despite the warm glow of the sun, people usually still headed in for the night. It was probably an old habit from the days where night attacks and robberies occurred, though they'd been vastly reduced over the years.

Petra's hands were trembling as they wound through the streets, fast approaching Günter's family home.

While she knew he was not good at these things, having Levi's unshakeable presence beside her made this almost bearable.

On reaching the front door, she felt her knees start to shake. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she thought she'd rather face all the titans in the world than shatter this family's life.

"Ok. Here we go," she muttered, earning her an unseen, almost sympathetic look from Levi.

Glancing over at her Captain, whose face was as emotionless as ever, she tentatively reached out and wrapped her knuckles off the door.

She blew out a rattling breath, her ribs raw again from the pressure in her chest.

Looking down at her feet, she couldn't decide if she wished they were home or not.

She reminded herself, though that it was either they tell them, or some random soldier.

Before she could decide, the door swung breezily open, a smiling Mrs Schultz beaming out at them.

"Petra! How are you, dearest?" Her eyes widened slightly in happy surprise before turning to her companion. "And Captain Levi, I believe! What a nic-"

That was when she stopped, looking back and forward between Levi's passive, uncomfortable expression and Petra's grim, bleak look.

Levi could see the moment it hit the poor woman.

"I am so sorry," Petra whispered, tears fast seeping up into her eyes.

"Oh. Oh _my_ ," Günter's mother gasped quietly, a hand fluttering up to hover over her heart. "Oh no," she cried and her face crumpled.

Petra's heart broke into a million pieces as the woman fell apart, folding forwards as huge sobs tore through her body at the loss of her son.

"Mrs Schultz, I'm _so_ sorry," Petra gasped her own sob, reaching for the woman who clung to her, crushing the caramel haired girl to her body as her sorrow overflowed, Petra's shoulder soaked in seconds.

She rubbed the woman's back, her emotions battering against her flimsy walls to burst out and join in with the grieving mother.

Petra refused them, clenching her jaw as she rubbed Mrs Schultz's arms and held the woman back.

This wasn't her time to grieve. Hers would come later. Now, it was her duty as Günter's friend and squad mate to be there for his family, when he no longer could.

It didn't stop the tears, however, and they flowed silently down her face.

Levi stood in the same spot, completely overwhelmed and out of his depth with the emotions erupting from the doorway. He looked at his subordinate, at how she held the woman and held herself together at the same time.

Günter's mother was inconsolable, naturally, and Levi found himself needing to leave, to forget this.

This was a soldiers life, it was part of it. Death was inevitable and something he'd had to deal with plenty of times before.

Yet, this was different. This was something he hadn't had to experience before.

Usually, the soldiers in his command were only temporarily placed there, or part of a bigger regiment.

Sure, he'd been yelled and screamed at through tears, but this...

This was his first, personal squad death.

And it was unlike anything he had imagined possible.

He'd never had anyone to cry for him, never had anyone to fall apart over his injury or loss.

This foreign interaction put a cold, heavy feeling deep within his chest.

In the doorway, Mrs Schultz was still clinging to Petra, who's shoulders were stiff but strong.

She was saying soothing, none the less meaningless, words to her, trying to do anything to calm her.

A tall figure appeared behind the huddled women, and Levi knew it was Günter's father - it was like looking into his soldiers eyes.

"What on earth is going on out here?" He demanded anxiously, trying to make sense of the situation.

When he saw Petra, who extended a hand to him, unable to split herself from his wife, he took it in a daze.

Petra squeezed his fingers, telling him she was so sorry, tears evident in her shaky, yet stubbornly strong voice.

Levi felt a bitter-sweet pride in her strength.

Beside his wife and sons squad mate, the man looked like he was going to collapse.

Levi, refusing to let Petra take all this burden on by herself, forced his legs forward.

He didn't know where it came from, but he reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder and found himself saying, "I'm sorry. Your son was one the bravest men I ever knew."

He didn't even register the words had come from his mouth, but he let it slide, leading the man, who was now crying into his own hands, towards the table.

Mr Schultz leant on the wooden surface, his shoulders quaking.

Levi left his hand on his shoulder, not knowing what else to do.

He looked to Petra for some help, his heart giving another cold twist as he saw her soft, soothing face was drenched in silent tears she'd managed to hide from Mrs Schultz.

She looked sadly at him, giving him an encouraging smile.

She was proud of her Captain: While it wasn't the most affectionate or emotional response, for Levi, it was enough. He was showing his support and remorse, no matter how unnatural or small his act was.

"Mrs Schultz, maybe we should sit down, hmm?" Petra said softly to the broken mother.

She pulled away from the soldier, nodding weakly before turning to embrace her husband, releasing Levi from his obligation.

Turning to close the door, Petra subtly dried her face and scrubbed her eyes before turning back to the family.

Going into the state of shock that usually followed the onslaught of sorrow, Mr Schultz guided his trembling, but now quiet wife into a kitchen chair.

"Please," he croaked, gesturing for Levi and Petra to sit.

They complied, sitting opposite the couple.

"Mr and Mrs Schultz... I know this doesn't mean much, but we are so sorry. Words can't even explain just how sorry we are," Petra spoke softly leaning forwards, her hands clenched in front of her. "Günter was like a brother to us all."

"What happened? How did he...?" Mrs Schultz whispered, clamping a hand over her mouth to prevent another sob escaping. Her husband wrapped an arm around her shoulder and they leant into each other.

Exchanging a look with Levi, who looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him, she looked at her hands, swallowing before raising her eyes to meet theirs.

"Are you sure that's something you want to know?"

They looked at each other before nodding.

"We need to know," Mr Schultz confirmed.

Petra skimmed over the details, especially the classified and gory ones. They didn't need to know everything, just that their son died a hero, protecting a young boy and fighting with his team until the bitter end.

Silence enveloped the house as she finished her account, Günter's parents sitting in shocked, grief stricken silence.

"He fought right until the end," Petra finished, hating the cliché words but knowing they were true and genuine in this case.

Raising her red, swollen eyes to meet Petra's haunted golden ones, Mrs Schultz asked the question Petra had been dreading.

"Did... Did he suffer?"

Levi saw Petra's jaw twitch, she drew in a deep breath and flickered her eyes to his.

He couldn't do anything, couldn't offer any words of wisdom.

This was, unfortunately, all her.

He felt useless, for the second time since he thought he'd lost his squad.

"She..." Petra had to swallow back the lump in her throat, looking again at her hands to gather herself. "She snuck up on us so quickly. We were on alert but..." She heaved a breath, finally returning her gentle gaze to them "No. He was gone too quickly for it to hurt."

Not knowing what to do with this information, the couple just gripped each other, tears pouring from their eyes.

"What about the rest of your team? Are they ok?"

Petra hesitated, hoping it wasn't rubbing salt in the wound, but she nodded and confirmed that, yes, they were injured, but alive.

"Thank you," Mrs Schultz whispered and it floored Levi. He was expecting screams and things to be thrown, for them to realise it was his fault and turn on him, throwing him from their presence.

But a thank you... As she turned to look at Levi, there was nothing but sadness and regret in her eyes, but she was smiling at him with gratitude.

What the hell was happening?

"Being in your squad meant more to Günter than I think you'll ever know. He cherished you all so much, and Captain, he respected you so much. I know he didn't regret his choice to fight for you. So please don't blame yourself, if you do. Either of you," she turned to grip Petra's hand.

Her caramel hair framed her face as she dropped her head, a few tears landing on the table.

"Thank you. Günter was such a dear friend, we'll never forget him and all he did," she whispered, her voice dangerously close to cracking.

Levi frowned, trying to process the 'thank you' he'd received.

This was not how he imagined this going.

Knowing he had to, wanted to, say something for his fallen comrade and his family, he looked at the couple and just spoke, tried not to sound too formal and military sent.

"Günter was an amazing soldier. You probably know, I only picked the very best for my squad. He never made me regret my choice in him. Not once. He made me proud, and I'll never find anyone to match his skill or character," he stated, his voice firm but genuine.

Günter's parents nodded, small, broken smiles flitting across their faces.

"Thank you," she whispered again.

Petra and Levi left soon after, the two hugging Petra tightly.

Mr Schultz extended a hand to Levi, who grasped it firmly.

Before anyone could stop her, Mrs Schultz had grabbed the Captain in a crushing hug, thanking him, yet again for giving her son a life he had been so proud of.

Levi stood rigid as a clapboard, not able to function to reply.

Günter's mother released him and Petra placed a gentle hand on his arm, guiding him out the door.

With final, tear stained goodbyes from the husband and wife, they turned and headed back to the hospital.

They'd only gone a few buildings down when Petra stopped, leaning against a wall and bracing her hands on her knees.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I just need a moment," she said, voice breaking with tears and emotions.

Looking up at Levi, her golden eyes were glimmering with tears and she shook her head, sending them over the edge and down the worn path on her cheeks,

"That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do," she whispered raggedly. She pressed the back of her hands to her cheeks and under her eyes, trying to wipe off the wet.

"You were strong for them, Petra. Günter would be grateful," Levi told her, eyes dropped to the ground.

She gave a weak laugh, putting her face in her hands briefly.

"Don't say that, Captain, or you'll never get me to stop crying," she informed him ruefully.

Giving her a couple of minutes of silence to gather herself, Levi finally turned back to her.

"Come on, we need to get back. You need to rest," he ordered.

Nodding, she straightened and pushed off the wall.

"Yes, sir," she responded automatically, glad for the order.

It forced her to get a grip, knowing Levi was probably at his wits ends after the emotional evening he had to endure.

With the funerals and services to come, though, he would have to prepare himself for a lot more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys! No rants this time, don't worry! :P**

 **I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed etc my stories! It means so much and it is so encouraging! :) So big thanks!**

 **One thing... Don't know if anyone's noticed, but I only did; I tend to switch P.o.v's throughout paragraphs... Not sure you're allowed do it, but ah well! I like to cover all my reactions and views!**

 **Enjoy :)**

 **(Disclaimer as per usual...)**

* * *

Chapter Three

The mood was bleak in the hospital room, the three Special Ops soldiers feeling they would never break free of this nightmare.

It was the next morning, after Petra and Levi had informed the Schultz family of Günter's death.

They were all lost in thought, Petra perched in the same chair she'd been in the last two days. Levi was standing at the table at the foot of the bed, going over some paperwork Hanji had sprung on him on the way over.

In the armchair in the corner, lazy snores were drifting from Aurou. Petra gave him an annoyed look as he gave a sharp snort and jerk in his sleep.

She went back to staring at the wool pattern on the blanket covering Eld, her mind too full and strangely empty at the same time.

There was nothing to do, nowhere to go, that would hold any peace or solitude for them, so they were here, doing nothing.

The stitches in Petra's back and head were itching, her chest feeling heavy and sore - still. She was beginning to think she'd never know what it felt like to not have pain there anymore.

Giving a frustrated shuffle in her seat, she leant on her elbow, looking instead at the needle of the IV going into Eld's arm.

The skin was raised and pale around the entrance, the slight bulge of the needles head tapering off into a dark blue vein.

Petra felt her eyes get heavy as her mind wandered, her body begging to make up for yet another restless night of sleep.

The steady scribble of Levi's pen on paper, even the rhythmic snoring from the corner, were lulling her under, so much so it took a second to register the noise that sounded in front of her.

"Petra?"

Quirking an eyebrow, she realised the croak had come from the unconscious man in the bed.

However, on raising her eyes quickly to his face, she realised, with a leap of her heart, he was no longer unconscious.

"Eld! You're awake!" She gasped, shooting out of her seat.

Levi had been concentrating too much to hear Eld's raspy call to their team mate, but when Petra responded and rose from her chair, he tuned his gaze to the bed.

The blonde man was groggily looking around, Petra gripping his hand and shoulder.

"Well, I'll be. You finally decided to join us?" Levi raised an eyebrow, relief surging through him at the sight of those sharp eyes looking back with confusion.

"Captain... Ugh, how the hell did I get here?" Eld grimaced, clutching Petra's hand as a burst of pain, shot through him.

"We half dragged your ass back here, that's how," Levi replied, moving over to slap Aurou with his paperwork to wake him.

"Oi! Aurou, wake up! Go fetch a nurse, Eld's awake."

"What did Eld do with a nurse?" Aurou mumbled, not even opening his eyes.

"Things that would make your toes curl," Eld managed to get out, his throat dry and sore.

"E..Eld!" Aurou straightened once he realised what had happened. "Ha, as if! I'd like to see you actually make an attempt at getting a nurse with all this competition around!"

Eld gave a raspy laugh, shifting to sit up straighter.

Petra laughed at the immediate banter between the boys, tears glistening in her eyes. She never thought she'd hear that wit again, and definitely not so soon.

"How do you feel? Do you need anything?" She fussed, helping him sit up a little straighter.

"Ah, joking aside, I seriously don't remember how I got here," he frowned, looking between Petra and the Captain.

Levi came to stand on his right side, frowning down at his subordinate.

"What's the last thing you do remember?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Behind him, the door softly clicked open then closed as Aurou slipped out to find a nurse.

"The last thing..." Eld frowned as he searched his broken pattern of time, trying to pinpoint the last thought he had.

Petra bit her lip, watching her friend shuffle through his memories, wondering were they painful ones, or did he even remember the events that put him here?

Did he remember they'd lost Günter?

Evidently, he did, as his expression went from confusion to outrage, flashing past grief in the process.

"The Female Titan - what happened? Did we get her?" He looked Levi dead in the eye, willing it to be so.

Levi and Petra exchanged a look, neither wanting to be the one to tell him.

It was Levi who took the hit.

"No. She got away. And we still don't know who she is, only that she's military," he informed him.

"Son of a bitch!" Eld ground out, his swollen jaw slurring his words slightly. Fury was burning in his eyes as he turned his gaze to Petra.

"What happened? Are you ok? Last thing I remember is we nearly had her. I was going for the nape, but then at the last second I saw her twitch towards me. I saw her teeth coming at me. That's it, that's the last thing," he shook his head. "What happened after?"

Petra sighed inwardly and recounted the story yet again. She hated having to keep dredging up the memories, but Eld, of all people, deserved to know.

So, she grit her teeth and got through it, bringing him quickly right up to the present.

Eld's features were dark and haunted by the end, pain crossing his exhausted face as she told him Levi and herself had gone to Günter's house.

"So I've been out for days... Did I miss the memorial service?" He asked worriedly, praying he hadn't missed the chance to send his best friend off.

"No, it's happening tomorrow," Petra said softly, feeling sorry for Eld having to go through this with a foggy brain. It had been hard enough for her to process and she hadn't sustained half the damage he had.

"Good. I wouldn't want to miss that."

"Eld... Are you sure it's such a good idea?" She asked softly. "I know, it's Günter, but you just woke up. Your leg is badly damaged. How are you going to stand on it all day? I don't know if they'll let you out," she shook her head sadly.

Eld gave her an affectionate, but stubborn look.

"Petra, do you think that's going to stop me?"

"No, I think _biology_ will. Your body won't be able to cope," she persisted. She had horrible images of her friend collapsing in the middle of the service, of internal bleeding or an aneurism taking him out in seconds from over exertion.

"Captain, you know I'm not missing it, don't you?" Eld turned to the silent Captain.

He was saved having to answer by the return of Aurou with Eld's doctor, Dr Gershwin.

"Mr Jinn, this is a pleasant surprise!" The breezy woman smiled, coming to stand by Petra.

"We weren't expecting you awake for a while yet. How are you feeling?" She smiled at Petra as she moved back out of the way of the machines hooked up to Eld.

"Doc, I'm always aiming to please," Eld smiled easily, despite his obvious pain and the emotional wallop he'd just received.

"Well, I'm sure your comrades here appreciate that. How's your head? Your vision or hearing unclear at all?" The doctor was checking his pupils for responsiveness.

Eld shook his head to confirm no and Petra worried if he was telling the truth.

"Ok... What about the pain level? Headache? Your leg will most definitely be giving you pain," she warned, as if daring him to deny he was, indeed, in pain.

"Yeah, it's sore. But nothing I can't take," Eld stubbornly answered.

The doctor pulled back the blanket covering his damaged leg, revealing a mass of angry, black-purple bruises, cuts and swellings. His whole leg looked like it had been battered with a mallet.

There was no way he'd be able to go to the service.

Petra decided to hit the nail on the head and get it over with.

"Excuse me, Dr Gershwin. I think Eld is wondering about something," she gave him a pointed look and he frowned at her before sighing at her insistent look.

"Tomorrow's the funeral service for the soldiers who died during the expedition," he started.

Dr Gershwin frowned and dropped back the covers, not liking where this was headed.

"Look, Doc, I have to go. One of my closest friends died and I couldn't save him. No way am I missing the chance to say goodbye," his expression showed he meant business, at he wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Mr Jinn. Can I point out the extent of the damage you've received?" She said firmly, but gently. "You sustained such severe head trauma you were comatose and your leg was nearly beyond repair when you arrived. How do you expect to go through a whole service? You are going to find it hard to accomplish even simple task like showering and using the bathroom. Trust me, you will regret it," she shook her head sadly.

"I can handle it. I'm sure my team mates will help me," Eld glanced around at the two men. Levi stared cooly back, not giving his thoughts away, and Aurou crossed his arms looking uncomfortable.

Knowing how to play on her emotions, Eld looked to Petra last, communicating without words how much he needed this. Needed it for them all, to be together to say goodbye to Günter.

Petra shook her head, eyes pleading him not to put her under pressure like this.

"Eld, it's too risky. What if you do more damage?" She fished, trying to make him really think about how much pain he was going to endure for emotional pain. Petra didn't know which was worse at this stage.

"I'll have you guys to help me. All I'll be doing is walking a bit and standing. I'm sure the hospital has crutches," his gaze never wavered, knowing she was buckling.

"Look, this isn't even my decision! I think you should be appealing to your doctor."

Eld was still imploring her with his eyes when the Captain spoke up.

"If you go, will you follow the doctors orders exactly during and afterwards?"

"Yes, Captain, of course," Eld nodded sombrely.

Levi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Looking up, he regarded Dr Gershwin who merely stared back with a mildly incredulous expression.

"Captain, may I have a word with you and your soldiers outside, please?" She sighed, heading for the door without looking to see if they were following.

Levi nodded at his subordinates, Aurou following first. Petra turned to give Eld an apologetic smile, before following the two men out.

Once down the hall from Eld's room, the doctor turned to the soldiers.

"Captain, what he's asking is far and beyond a bad idea. He just woke up from a coma and he will not be able to support himself. He will be in immense pain and weak as a newborn kitten. So how do you think he'll make it through hours on his feet?" She was standing hands on hips, levelling her challenging gaze against the Captains.

Levi merely stared back, his onyx eyes unfathomable. Aurou and Petra exchanged a look, wondering who'd win in this stare down.

Fair play to the doctor, she didn't seem unabashed by the Captains steely eyed stare.

Petra decided enough was enough - someone needed to make a decision.

"Dr Gershwin, we don't want to put Eld at any risk for further injury than he's at already... But this is the last chance he'll get to say goodbye properly. He needs closure, just like the rest of us," her voice was soft and fluttering with a soft edge of emotion. "Is there any possible way we could do this without making him worse?"

The woman frowned unhappily, her brown hair escaping her messy bun. She scratched her eyebrow absent mindedly, her green eyes calculating possibilities as she tried to think of ways to grant the heartfelt plea.

She sighed, closing her eyes and held a hand to her forehead as she listed instructions.

"Well, he won't be able to go for hours. Two at _most_. And he'll need plenty of fluids and rest when he can. I'll up his pain meds and his antibiotics to cover him, but if he looks pale or tired or starts complaining of head aches, blurred vision or impaired hearing, he needs to be returned to the hospital - immediately! And keep him warm. If," she looked at all three of them intensely, "You follow these instructions... He can go. But you should know, I'm doing this against my strongly objecting better judgment as a doctor," she warned unhappily.

"Don't worry. We'll look after him," Levi nodded at her, his dark hair nodding with him gently.

"Thank you, Doctor. He'll be so relieved," Petra smiled warmly at the kind woman.

"Yeah, well, remember that when you're dragging him back here tomorrow," she muttered lightly, turning back to Eld's room.

"Excuse me while I inform my reckless patient of the terms and conditions," she strode away.

"We may regret this," Aurou stated. He glanced at his two team mates, Petra nodding in agreement and Levi remaining silent as usual. He usually only uttered a reply if absolutely necessary, so Aurou wasn't actually expecting one.

"We're going to have to be careful. This is going to be hard enough, adding a collapsing Eld to the mix won't help anyone," Petra gestured with her hand, her nervousness starting to show.

"Let's just focus on getting him prepared first. Focus on tomorrow then," Levi raised an eyebrow. The doctor had said yes, so he wasn't going to worry standing around would kill him. They'd look after him.

"Tomorrow's going to be awful," Petra spoke up quietly, hugging her arms to her sides. "All those families... Mr and Mrs Schultz and Günter's siblings are going to be there, too."

Levi's shoulders tensed slightly at this and Aurou's face fell at the thought of what Günter's family must be going through.

"Is Eren being released for it, too?" Petra inquired. The Captain nodded an affirmative, stating Yeager was still not healing in a freaky Titan way, but was not so bad he needed to miss it.

"She would have killed him, wouldn't she?" Petra looked at Levi, her words not so much a question but a statement.

His dark eyes levelled with hers, looking tired and weary.

"Yes, she most definitely would have."

They were standing there, all thinking about how close they'd come to losing so much more on top of their fallen squad member, when someone called out her name.

She looked around, the voice as familiar to her as the back of her hand.

" _Father?_ "

Her father was walking quickly down the hall towards her, a smile on his tear stained face.

She took a hesitant step towards him, hardly believing her eyes. She'd been thinking of her parents so much the last two days, wondering what they'd heard, what they thought had happened to her.

There was no point writing to them, it would take days to get a letter out and she was going to go home the day after the funeral service.

Seeing her father here now was such a shock, but it hit her that she'd nearly not come home to him and her mother.

Closing the gap between them by nearly running, Petra collided with him, his embrace solid and comforting.

"My little darling, you're ok!" He cried, crushing her close, making her wince at the pain against her ribs. She didn't let on though, hugging him back fiercely.

Tears welled up in her eyes, swimming across her lower lids in a blink.

 _What was it about parents that reduced you to tears when you thought you were steady as a rock?_ Petra thought in frustration.

"Yes, I'm ok. I am so sorry I couldn't get in touch with you, I was going to go see you soon, I swear," she sniffed, pulling back and looking into the familiar eyes that were a few shades darker than hers.

"That's ok, sweetheart. We were just so worried and I heard that a lot of soldiers were taken here... When no one could tell me where you were, I knew I had to try," he gripped her shoulders, worry making him look like he aged about ten years since she saw him two months ago.

"Where's Mother?"

"She's been worried sick, she has barley eaten since you left for your expedition. I told her to stay put, that I'd find you," he frowned, taking in her wounds as he spoke.

"Petra, you're hurt!"

"I'm fine, Father, honestly. It's just a scratch," she kept the rest quiet, knowing he'd be horrified if he knew the extent of her damage.

"It doesn't look like it! Where else are you hurt?" He insisted, turning her shoulders as if she was hiding some obvious injury on her back... Well, at least he couldn't _see_ the stitches under her clothes.

"Honestly! Stop, your worrying yourself for nothing," she scolded him affectionately.

He smiled sheepishly, holding her face lovingly.

"Can you blame your poor old father for worrying when you're off risking your life beyond the Wall?" He scolded back.

"It's my choice," she reminded him.

"Yes, and one, according to your last letter, you're keen on keeping up," he commented with a raised eyebrow, daring her to explain further her last writings.

Petra felt herself cringe, remembering the heartfelt, driven words she'd spoken. She'd hoped they, her parents, wouldn't read into it the wrong way.

 _"I plan on dedicating my life to Captain Levi, wherever that may lead."_

Hmm.. That may have suggested things she didn't mean - had imagined, definitely, but not meant in a romantic sense.

She was clearly right in presuming her words would be misinterpreted by the way her father was looking at her right now.

"Ugh, I knew this would happen. Father, I meant I was sticking by my choice to join the military. Yes, surprise, even after four years of sticking at it," she said in a hushed voice, glancing over her shoulder at Levi and Aurou, who were watching the father-daughter interaction.

"Oh, is this your Captain? The one you're ded-"

Petra clamped a hand over his mouth, glaring at him.

"Hush! Not another word," she cringed.

Her father laughed and removed her hand, holding his up in surrender.

"Ok! Not a word, I promise. But I'd very much like to meet them," he raised his eyebrows and smiled, looking lighter and happier than a few minutes ago.

"Yes, ok," Petra sighed, turning and heading back to the two men.

"Captain, Aurou, this is my father. Father, Captain Levi Ackerman and Aurou Bossard," she held out a hand to gesture names to faces.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet my Petra's team mates," her father held out a hand to the two men, who took it and shook firmly in return.

"It's a pleasure, Mr Ral," Levi said with a nod, on his best behaviour, it seemed. He usually just nodded or raised an eyebrow with a bored expression.

Now, he was being polite and civil. Petra felt her brow scrunch slightly in confusion and suspicion.

Maybe her Captain felt guilty that she very nearly wasn't standing here right now?

Which was ridiculous, but possible.

"Sir, it's an honour, truly," Aurou puffed, making Petra roll her eyes behind her fathers back.

 _"Oh, please_ ," she mouthed at him, causing him to smile wickedly, leaving her father looking slightly puzzled as he turned to her.

She wiped her expression back to a smile, but Aurou waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. He was always teasing and making comments about marrying her, them being together etc. So meeting her father, well... He was out to make a good impression, even if just to egg her on.

She stuck her tongue out at him when her father turned back to her team mates again.

Levi looking like he wanted to slap the back of their heads for being so childish.

"Where are the others... Ah, Eld and Günter, wasn't it?" Her father turned back to her and she felt the mood sober immediately.

"Petra, darling, what?" He asked when he saw her face drop.

"Eld is through there," she pointed to his room. " And... Günter... He didn't make it," she lowered her head, knowing her Father's heart wrenching look would reduce her to tears.

"I am so very sorry, sweetheart. Truly," he placed a hand on her shoulder and she had to look away to gather herself. "I'm sorry to you all. It's a hard life, I'm sure."

Petra couldn't answer and they stood for a few seconds before Levi came to the rescue.

"Petra, why don't you and your father go get some food? Aurou and I have to talk to Eld and the doctor," he nodded towards the canteen.

"Thank you, Captain," she smiled gratefully at him. He nodded back and turned to shake hands with her father again, before heading back with Aurou in tow.

 _What was that about_? Levi usually didn't care for meeting families, let alone send them off for quality time.

She chalked it up to the circumstances: she certainly wasn't needed to attend duties.

"Well, they seem friendly," her father piped up. Petra realised she'd not said a word since they had started towards the canteen.

"Hmm? Oh, yes! They are."

"Your Captain... He seems very polite and reserved. Is he always like that?"

No. No, he most certainly is not," she shook her head, still puzzling over that one.

"He's usually more serious," she clarified for her father.

Gathering some food and drinks together, they sat in the half full canteen. Petra picked at the bland food, not really having a huge appetite the last few days.

"It's so sad."

She looked up to find her father watching the other people, patients and families, coming in and out of the canteen.

"So many wounded young people. All because you go off following rules you don't fully understand," he sighed.

Petra felt her head jerk back slightly, not sure she just heard that correctly.

"Excuse me?"

Her father looked at her sadly, but on seeing her expression, he quickly held up his hands in apology.

"No, no, not you! I'm sure your Special Squad knows exactly what it's doing," he back-pedalled.

"Ok, first of all, it's Special Operations Squad, not Special Squad. Totally different sound to it then," she frowned. "And secondly, they know what they're fighting for. Trust me, we all do. Especially after an expedition like our last one."

"I know. I'm sorry, it's just heartbreaking seeing it. They all look so young, so broken..."

His gaze snapped back to her, a familiar look in them. "Petra. Please reconsider staying in the military. You could take the time to pick up other skills, so you'll be ready to settle down with a husband and start a family in a few years," he spread his hands, trying to get her to see the sense in his words.

Petra sat back in annoyance. They'd had this augment so many times before.

"No! And how dare you? Ready to settle, as if I need to train to sit around and sew and cook for some man? No way. I want to have skills that will benefit human kind and save lives, not fatten up and make some man lazy because I'll do all the work. That's not who I am and you know it!"

Petra felt a guilt stab at the way she was lashing out at her father, but she was sick of hearing this. Especially after the trauma they'd just endured.

Did he honestly think that she'd run, tail between her legs, after that? If he knew her at all, he'd know it would only make her more determined.

"Petra, don't fight with me. I'm allowed to worry, I'm allowed dream my only child will take a less dangerous path in life. Every time you go on an expedition, your mother and I have to prepare ourselves for the worst. To prepare for the fact we may never-" His voice broke with emotion, and Petra found herself reaching forward to comfort him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that," she whispered, feeling like the worst daughter.

Of course he'd want her to leave the military. Especially when her squad was so hurt and they'd lost a member. She would be hurt if he wasn't worried. She mentally scolded herself for being so selfish.

"I shouldn't have said that to you. I know you worry, but honestly Father, I'd never be happy if I stepped down. I know it's a huge risk, but I still want to fight for the same reasons I did when I signed up. And that won't change. Ever."

Smiling sadly, he patted her hand in a knowing way.

"Of course you won't. You wouldn't be my Petra if you did," he laughed ruefully.

"I'll stop bothering you about it. Just please, promise me and your Mother you'll be careful. Ok?"

"Of course, Father. I'll always do my best to come home to you," she smiled warmly at him.

They sat for a second before she changed the subject, needing a lighter topic.

After a while, Petra was tired and sore again, her father getting it out of her that she had broken ribs - he always saw right through her - and he insisted she go rest.

She walked him to the exit, hugging him fiercely despite his reluctance to hurt her.

"I love you, Father. Tell Mother too, and I'll come visit in a couple of days, ok? And get her to eat, tell her I won't be impressed," she laughed. She never ate when she was stressed and Petra hated it.

Her mother was such a worrier, but she always wanted to keep everyone happy though. If she thought Petra was worried about her not eating, she'd make herself to eat.

"I will and I love you, too. We both do. Please, look after yourself, darling."

She waited until he was out of sight, the grey clouds rolling thickly overhead.

She felt more at peace than she had since before the expedition and it was like someone had shaved a wedge of weight off her shoulders.

Trust her father to be there to do that for her, especially before tomorrow.

She was going to need all the peace she could get right now.

* * *

 **Well, Levi was certainly making an effort with her father, as subtle as it may have been (if I wrote it right!). Maybe Aurou wasn't the only one looking to impress a potential father-in-law? ;)**

 **Anyway, that was kind of a filler chapter. I needed to get Eld awake without wanting to brush over his part in the team dynamics.**

 **Also, it made sense to have Petra's father come looking for her. He did come to speak with Levi over the letter in the anime, so hunting down his daughter would be something he'd do!**

 **Next chapter is going to be emotional again and should incorporate the present day and my original paragraph, from which this story came!**

 **Hope you're still enjoying and willing to hang in there!**

 **God bless and happy readings! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys! :) In this chapter, it's the funeral service etc. I know I'm doing it different from what they probably do ( literally just burn the bodies and have to move on, from what I gathered), but I want** **ed to do something with more depth and emotion, just to add to the story.**

 **I also added to Günter's family; two siblings. They can't all be only children or orphans!**

 **Apologies if he does, indeed, have some already, I looked it up but couldn't find any.**

 **I was listening to Fuel To Fire by Agnes Obel while writing this - it's so haunting and emotional! It just suited the image of the almost black sky, rain falling on Petra as hundreds of mourning people slowly swept past her.**

 **I dunno, just thought it was a good mood setter. :)**

 **...It may have led to unnecessarily detailed descriptions... But it just got the words flowing!**

 **Try it with this chapter, especially the end of paragraph one, start of two! ;) Let me know what you think.**

 **(Have to add, Beautifully Unfinished by Ella Henderson is a perfect ship song, especially for Rivetra)**

* * *

Chapter Four

Rain pelted down on the roof of the giant hall, competing against the raised voice of Commander Pixis. His deep, gravelly voice called out to every corner, to every last person crammed into the space.

It varied from some of the more higher ranking officers, even some from the Garrison and the Military Police, all the way through the ranks and to the family members of the fallen soldiers.

So many different ranked soldiers had been on the mission, meaning, Petra realised with a sick, hollow feeling in her stomach, that nearly no one was left unaffected by the tradegy.

The families had brought relations, even in some cases, it seemed, neighbours and friends.

The turn out was staggering, unlike anything she'd ever witnessed within the fractured communities of the Wall before.

Pixis' words were deep and moving, bringing half the room to tears, herself included.

They weren't just hollow, rehearsed tools - they were personal and heartfelt.

Petra stood, glancing around her at all the pain and sorrow, her soul heavy and dark, like it was a weight she now had to carry, not something that was just a part of her.

It was a burden now.

Seeing the different reactions was not something that surprised her anymore. She'd seen enough range over the years.

Seeing the huge range in one room, however, was quite different.

The majority of people were tear stained, sobbing, holding onto someone or supporting someone through their own tears.

Then, was the haunted or sorrowful faced ones who couldn't cry, be it shock or whatever. They shed their emotion through fidgety movements or, again, comforting someone else.

Then was the Levi Ackermans, not many, but a few spaced out.

By her left shoulder, the Captain was winning gold for his closed off expression, eyes steeled against any emotion and standing formally stiff, yet still somehow fluid.

Eld was to her immediate right, looking tense and tired, a pair of crutches under his grip.

Aurou stood to his right, composed and respectful, he and Petra ready to grab Eld if needs be.

Eren was off sitting with his fellow 104th trainee members. Mikasa had barely let him out of her sights, Petra had noted with amusement.

Pixis was saying something about how each loss was as devastating as the next, but Petra had zoned out.

Across the hall, near the long right wall, was Günter's family.

His parents were holding hands, gripping each other tightly.

In Mrs Schultz's free hand was the small hand of Günter's little sister, Amelia. She was so young, only four or so, and had been asleep when she and Levi had visited.

Thankfully, she hadn't woken up at the sound of their parents distress. Petra would have definitely broken down at that.

Amelia was looking around in confusion at all the sad faces, then up at her parents matching ones.

Turning to her only remaining big brother, Fredrick, she tugged on his sleeve. He leant down and Petra could only imagine what she asked, as his face crumpled slightly before whispering something back to her.

When he straightened, his Grandfather put a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"You ok?" Eld whispered, nudging her with his elbow. She was snapped out her daze, looking up at her towering blonde friend.

"Yeah," she whispered back, nodding towards where her gaze had been drawn, "It's Günter's family."

Eld sighed heavily and looked over, turning back to her with a sorrowful expression.

"Oh man, that's awful."

"Little Amelia doesn't know what's going on. Its so hard, how do you explain this to a four year old?" Petra shook her head, not envying them that task.

He had no answer, merely shaking his head back.

Their attention was pulled forward once again to the stage as Pixis announced the names of the fallen soldiers would be called.

During this, a representative for each family came up to receive a memorial regiment crest beside their name in a frame commemorating the solider.

Levi gave a stir beside her, sighing as the soldier calling the names pulled several long pages, filled front and back out on the podium.

Petra glimpsed at him, seeing he looked as uncomfortable as when they'd left the Schultz household, only this time it was only evident in the depths of his eyes.

She'd have probably missed it, if she wasn't so used to his hidden pocket of emotions.

Time ticked by as name after name, family after family, was called and then came up and claimed their measly token from the military who'd claimed their family members lives.

Thank goodness they had dragged chairs, benches and whatever else they could find to seat people on out to the hall. Eld would not have lasted otherwise.

Petra heard Aurou lean over and ask him was he ok, and not to lie to him. She heard a gruff reply as Eld told him to stop fussing over him like a mother.

Time seemed to stand still as Günter's name was called. All of the remaining Team Levi looked over at the family as Mr Schutlz released his wife's hand and walked stiffly towards the front.

Other names were called, as there was so many to get through, but their focus was on Günter's father as he reached the stage.

His hand shook, but his face remained subdued as he took the small frame from Erwin. He put his hand on Mr Schultz's shoulder and offered words of regret, but Petra noticed he looked particularly remorseful.

She guessed it was to do with his close interaction with their squad over the years, as short as they seemed right now.

Watching Günter's father trudge back to his seat and remaining family, Petra realised something.

That was it.

After his years of dedication, loyalty, blood, sweat, tears and, eventually, his actual life, Günter's death was finalised by some brief words and a piece of material.

All the missions, all the laughs and hard times, training - everything. It was all just gone, only in their memories now. And everyone would go on, life not waiting for anyone's grief or acceptance.

That scared and upset Petra more than anything so far.

How could someone who had been such a huge part of so many lives just be over?

How could someone take that from them?

Petra's thoughts jumped to the traitor who had single handedly caused all this death and devastation.

Were they here, right now, watching and laughing? Or worse, were they pretending to mourn with the rest of them?

Anger swelled like an unfillable balloon in her chest, making her want to scream and hit the evil culprit until they, too were wiped from the Earth.

Petra had never felt such a white, hot hatred for someone in her life, not even the titans who had killed countless people.

This was a different kind of evil and Petra wouldn't rest until the demon had been dealt with.

The anger throbbed and surged through her until it could go no higher or be relieved on something.

It left her in a single pulse, leaving her shaking and numb, as all that was left underneath the fury was pain and heartbreak.

Feeling her shoulders quake, Petra knew she was going to cry, and not just silent tears.

She held a hand to her face, trying to subdue the sobs and tears.

Instead, she quietly cried into her hand, emotions rattling her shoulders. She tried to be subtle, not that it mattered in this environment, but she needed to be strong.

Clearly, it didn't work, as she felt a gentle hand grip her shoulder.

She glanced at Eld who briefly pulled her to him in a hug, his hand a comforting anchor on her arm.

She took a quiet, deep breath and tried to calm the wild sea of emotion within her.

Surely one person couldn't hold this much?

A white flash caught her eye, and she looked to her left at the handkerchief Levi was offering her.

She glanced up at him and he looked at her from the corner of his eye.

She shouldn't have been surprise to see a tired, haunting sadness there - Levi may be closed off and even cold sometimes, but he wasn't a monster, she scolded herself. He was hurting as much as the rest, he just didn't show it.

Petra smiled at him and took the handkerchief, mouthing a thanks to her Captain.

He nodded briefly and turned his gaze frontwards again.

That was the second time he'd given her a handkerchief in the last few days.

She'd have to replace them for him, it was the least she could do.

Dabbing her eyes and, subtly, her nose, Petra forced herself to get a grip.

She couldn't afford to be pulled under the tidal wave of emotion, or she'd never get out from the heavy weight.

Pulling herself up straight again, she told herself that tonight when she went to bed, in the solitude of her chambers, then she could cry and really let it out, once and for all.

Until then, she just had to be strong.

* * *

Once the service was complete, the mourners moved outside, the inky skies opening upon them in a never ending flood.

Petra stood in the doorway, looking up as the rain fell down, dark clothed figures swelling out around her and into the bleak evening.

Every drop felt like a cold caress, as if the soul of every lost person across all of time was cascading upon the heads of those left behind.

Comforting them, yes, but also mourning for their own separation from their lives and loved ones.

Petra felt a ripple of sensation, of something ageless and deep echo out from within her, and she knew she'd never understand the complexity of emotions brought out by loss.

It was something humans were not equipped to fully understand.

Refusing to allow herself to dwell on the darkness humming out of the atmosphere, she slowly lowered her head and followed the river of people into the street.

She'd been pulled apart from the men, her politeness causing her to pause as a pair of sniffling, elderly women stepped - very slowly - into her path.

Then, she'd been unable to get across the sudden, large grouping between them.

Levi noticed her absence from their side, his narrowed, dark gaze scanning the crowd for her.

She caught his eye, signalling she'd meet them outside.

Luckily, they were used to communicating without words, so he gave an unhappy nod, his lips pulling down briefly before he turned back to force his way through the people, making enough room for Eld's crutches.

Now, the tide of mourners was headed towards the large plot of land outside the city, about a five minute walk, which seemed nothing until you added the crashing rain and grief, then it seemed to be an hours walk instead.

While she walked, she peered around for her team mates, being gently jostled from side to side by elbows, shoulders and arms.

On nearing the claimed cemetery, a figure caught her eye and she realised it was Levi, his person almost calling out to her through the crowd.

Even just seeing him across the gathering, Petra realised she felt more relaxed and at ease, as if his very presence were a soothing balm.

She didn't know when that had become the case and she found herself pausing amid the flow once more, her questions becoming creases in her forehead as their answers evaded her.

Ignoring the unnamed feeling that was starting to shine through her chest, she let his strong presence draw her to him instead.

She saw Aurou and a tired Eld pacing though the rain after him, heads held low as they neared the time to bury their friend.

Petra didn't know what it would be like, seeing his body being lowered into the ground like that.

Usually, the bodies were burned, mounds of dead flesh stacked and driven out of the world.

The fact that it was one of the largest level of losses during a military event and also, Levi had surmised, that because it was by the hands of a fellow soldier, had caused a special touch to be added.

In groups, depending on years of service, the dead soldiers were being lowered down, leaving as they had fought - together.

Once she was near the three men, she called out to them, Levi turning and beckoning her over.

He held out an arm to allow her to walk beside him, holding at bay the crowd and leading her to walk in front of him slightly.

He swapped though, holding back a step and instead waking on her left, slightly ahead of her now. Eld and Aurou were ahead of them, and to the right slightly, focused on the journey in front of them.

Time was once again a deliberate drag, it's sands sticking and grating away from them in an agonisingly slow departure.

The skies continued to pour forth, every person soaked to the bone unless they had found shelter beneath umbrellas or jackets.

Neither were available for Petra or her friends and her caramel hair was plastered to her face and neck, her clothes grabbing and clinging, stealing the heat from her body.

As soldiers were sealed away in their graves, people left, leaving space for the next wave of grieving families.

Finally, or maybe it was too soon, it was Günter's turn. There were other names called with his she'd known, and she felt each one fold away an edge of her soul, leaving bare spaces never to be filled again in the same way.

She saw Günter's family crowded up ahead, umbrellas shielding them from the tears from above.

Again, someone was speaking words as the burials took place, men in Scouting Regiments capes lowering the caskets.

It was so final, so terrifyingly definite that it was their friend, their quiet, caring Günter, that was being buried below them, forever locked in an earthy embrace.

Petra found herself drowning in her own sorrows, as if her lungs were again suffocating her.

She needed something, anything to keep her mind here, belonging to her and not the shadows of endless nightmares and agony.

Knowing where her only salvation lay, she reached forward and brushed her fingers through his - her Captain, her lifeline.

Obsidian pools found her, as unsettled and unrelenting as the tortured sky.

She merely gazed back, knowing he understood, that is wasn't a soldier clasping her Captains hand.

This was a girl needing her friend to keep her from falling apart.

He regarded her for a second longer, hair flat and dripping into his face, rivulets of rain trickling across his features.

He turned his gaze away again, but drew her slightly closer via their point of connection, their arms now touching as well.

It was like that, a single line of heat in her frozen body, her anchoring Levi now as much as he did her, that they watched their friend disappear from their lives forever.

* * *

Petra felt like she'd stepped into another life, one she wished to have no claim to.

She was harshly brought back to reality, to the present, where she was still sitting at the table with Levi, Eld, Aurou and Eren, the cold and heat still battling against her skin.

It was a few hours since the funeral and they had all fallen into the silent shells they were now.

Eld had flat out refused to return to the hospital, stating if he wanted to sit and stare at a wall while 'resting', he could damn well do it with them.

So, none of them wanting to send him away, had bundled themselves onto a carriage commissioned by Erwin and headed back to the castle, Eren rejoining his squad.

It had taken well over two hours, the rain also refusing to leave them.

The patter of the rain was the only noise uttered amid the roll of the wheels and hooves of the horses throughout the whole journey.

Now, the heavy weight of their silence was adding to the claustrophobic heat, making Petra feel like her head was going burst under the pressure.

She needed to get out, to feel the air, feel the quiet that wasn't laced with regret and pain.

The quiet scrape of her chair was like a clap of thunder in their ears, intrusive upon their thoughts.

She felt all their gazes on her as she strode out of the room, ignoring, for probably the first time in her life, the Captains call.

Winding, endless corridors spat her out the giant wooden doors of the castle, the now clear, dry night greeting her like a tangible force.

Only this time, it was like an emerald fox, it's green horizon of trees and velvety navy sky looking upon her, regarding her and deciding she wasn't a threat to its peace, allowing her to mercifully stumble into its presence.

She stood trembling, arms hanging by her side as she felt the coolness of the night seep into her core and extinguish the fires that ravaged her soul.

She felt like this whole day had been a grand, tragic act, like it was something she'd been schooled for but didn't know the reason why.

Was he really gone? Would she never see his face, hear his voice in her entire remaining existence?

Was it that easy, to be wiped out? She wondered about her death, about the rest of her friends.

They, too would be erased someday, their lives becoming only a memory fuelled image in someone's mind.

What would then happen to her memories, of the ones she had to carry to remember?

Who'd remember what only she could?

That was the ripping thought, the one that snapped her from this stage like, deep, resonating nightmare.

She felt them all, all the deep, dark thoughts shatter and dissolve around her.

Her heart and mind couldn't keep them anymore, not if she was to hold room for memories.

All that was left was the familiar, everyday thoughts and pain she could deal with.

She felt like she'd stepped into someone else's mind, and now, she could focus on how she, Petra Ral, whose thoughts she knew and recognised, could push past this and start learning to live with the pain.

It would be impossible at first, but she'd do it. She had to.

She filtered through these thoughts and felt her soldiers training ticking over how to cope, her gaze fixed on the tree line ahead.

Their dark shape dominated her initial eyeline, but the star spattered sky was far more appealing, stretching high above and out and past all she knew and could see.

A shiver whispered up her spine and she release it with a sigh.

A soft tread on the grass sounded behind her, and she turned to see Levi walking to her, his usual briskness and purpose missing from his gait.

"You need another handkerchief, or can I hold onto my last one?" His deep voice teased lightly, and Petra nearly burst out laughing at the easy humour, the feeling it caused like floating, effortless and natural.

"No, thanks Captain. I'm good," she smiled softly instead, folding her arms across her chest as he came to stand beside her. "I just needed to get some air, clear my head."

He nodded in understanding, and she noticed again how ragged and tired he looked.

He was looking out at the horizon as she had been, hands in pockets and shoulders drawn up tall, yet still they somehow seemed heavier than usual.

Their unflappable Captain, struggling as much as they were, but only showing it in the areas he couldn't hide.

She found her eyes drifting over the tree line again, moths dancing erratically under the pale glow of the moon.

Levi was so strong, so solid, a presence that never dwindled. To others, he may seem harsh and stoic, but his team knew who he truly was.

He was the man who, after all the fighting and lost soldiers he'd endured over the years, had still taken the time to care for their needs, physical and emotional.

She thought of how he had soared in on his wings of freedom he so rightly bore, and without doing anything in particular in that second, had saved Auorou and her from failing or falling apart over Eld while they barely held themselves together.

She thought of his hand on her back, her arm and, lastly, on her hand, showing his support when his words couldn't.

Then of his small, but significant acts, like allowing her time with her father, of going with her to tell Günter's family.

He could easily have allowed another soldier do it, but he allowed her to do it, for Günter and herself.

The endless hours he spent with them at the hospital to keep his protective eye cast over them.

He had done so much for her, let her lean on him and it was because of him she'd made it through.

He truly was an inspiring, amazing person and Petra felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and pride for him fill her chest.

Her eyes were once again upon his face and Petra knew that never in a million lifetimes could she make this up to him.

Feeling she needed to show him any kind of acknowledgement, however small or unwanted it may turn out to be, she took a step towards him.

She was sure of her movement, still slightly amazed she was doing this, but sure none the less.

She placed a hand gently on his shoulder and, drawing herself towards him, placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

Levi could hardly believe what was happening.

He'd felt Petra lean in towards him and thought, perhaps she was going to take his hand again, as she had during the burial, clinging to him as he clung back.

Instead, he felt warm, delicate lips brush his cheek, a steadying hand in his shoulder.

As quickly as it happened, it was over and he turned his incredulous look upon her side profile.

She was staring serenely out at the forest again, her expression deep and thoughtful.

"What on earth was that for?" He demanded softly, not mad, just needing to know her reasoning for such an act.

Golden eyes framed in feathering lashes turned to him, a sad, but certain look on her face.

"To thank you, Captain. You've done so much for us, been so strong. This week especially, but also all the time. And I don't think I've ever said thank you," her voice was low and held an edge of emotion. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have made it through this or become the person I am now. I hope you know we're so grateful and.. I'm here for you, too, in anyway I can."

He had no clue how to respond to that, to the heartfelt thanks. He'd never even had to think about any of it, helping his team was just part of it.

He had no idea how much of an impact he'd had on them, on her.

She had truly blossomed into the strong, beautiful woman that stood beside him now, the one who brightened up the room whenever she came in, the one who gave him hope that he still could laugh and talk like a normal human occasionally, that he wasn't as cut off from the world as he felt.

She made him feel secure, that as long as she was there he'd always have a purpose and drive, someone to fight for and who would fight for him.

Not just in battle.

He'd known for a while now, he supposed, he just hadn't known what it was, nor how to approach the foreign presence in his chest.

He now knew - he had feelings for Petra Ral.

Her smile, her warmth, even her fiery demeanour when on the battlefield, it had all grabbed his attention and refused to let go until he had seen its beauty and honesty.

Now he was linked to her, his soul tentatively extending itself toward hers without his knowledge.

He wanted her close always, the reason he now realised, he always found himself giving her the tasks that involved being round him more.

Also, the reason he thought his world had ended when he came to the clearing, finding Günter's body and a chaotic scene, but none of his remaining squad.

How, when he'd seen them, relief had swirled thorough him, but it was her he kept glancing back to, her he wanted to wrap up and get as far away as he bloody could from that death trap.

Why he'd felt the need to shield her from the prying stares of the soldiers in the medics cart, the need to hold her hand and let her know she'd done the best she could and he was still proud.

Because he wanted her close to him always.

Because he never wanted her to hurt.

Because he had... Deeper feelings for her.

Levi thought the floor had opened up underneath him, leaving an unknown, gaping canyon below him.

He had no idea how to do this, how to address feelings of a romantic sense.

It just wasn't something he did, or understood, hence it taking him so long to cop it.

With a rustle of clothes, he realised Petra had turned and was heading back to the castle.

He felt his body itching to follow her, to not be apart from her during this dark time.

To reach out and draw her back, to run his hands over her smooth, creamy skin.

To send his lips crashing down upon hers, tasting her essence.

These thoughts terrified Levi, more than any Titan had.

He didnt, couldn't think of his subordinate like that...

Yet, he found his emotions were frantically battling his common sense...

Emotions won out.

"Petra, wait," he called out in the night.

She turned to him, raising an eyebrow in question.

He closed the small distance in one stride, his limbs moving of their own accord.

His hand wove into the hair on the nape of her neck, the other pulled her waist to meet his as her golden eyes widened in surprise.

His own didn't care of her reaction and he felt them close as he joined their lips, testing this new emotion.

His skin was on fire where he was touching her, she was filling his every sense and pore.

Petra felt shock reverberate through her body as the Captain snagged her waist, hand in her hair and then she watched his face draw nearer.

Her heart was thundering as his eyes looked into hers before closing, his lips gently sealing across hers.

She felt an explosion somewhere deep in her core, her insides a mass of fluttering, cartwheeling butterflies.

Her body shuddered in a long awaited pleasure she hadn't realised it was holding, as his hand came down for the back of her neck and fingers trailed along her jaw, resting under her chin, tenderly controlling the kiss.

The gentle pull of his lips on hers was electrifying, feeling like all of her existed in only her lips, her chin, all the points of contact.

She felt.. Alive.

After a few seconds, the feel and movement became more familiar, and Petra found herself relaxing into it, responsive by kissing back more confidently and placing her hands on his chest.

He pulled her closer, his head titling and angling against hers.

When their lips and tongues had absorbed all the oxygen within the passionate act, they parted, Petra's broken ribs tender as her breath and heart raced around her chest.

She opened her eyes, his already on her face, a wondering, unsure look in them.

He'd made the choice to overlook common sense and now it had harshly slapped him with reality as pay back.

What had he done? He had just made an in appropriate act as her Captain, but also on an emotionally vulnerable young woman.

How could he have let himself be so blasé with his emotions and actions?

He searched the depths of her eyes, seeing her look fade from slight shock and a peaceful expression to an understanding one.

She smiled at him softly, her usual warmth and easy going nature allowing her to merely let her hands slip from his chest as she stood back.

"Goodnight, Captain," she simply said, turning once more and letting the night carry her back to the castle.

Levi stood staring after her, her very neutral reaction leaving him baffled.

"What the hell does that mean?"

* * *

 **It finally happened!**

 **I went back to the first, present time paragraph! :) ...oh, wait you thought I meant they finally kissed? ;) oh no, that's not as important... Sorry, I'll stop..I really have to try stop being humerous! :/**

 **Anyway! There it's is -"that last paragraph is the one shot this whole story is based off of! I accidentally deleted the** ** _original-_** **original, which made me cry nearly! :/ but I think it tured out ok!**

 **hope you guys enjoyed, that's the important things! :)**

 **God bless and happy readings! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys! I am so so sorry for the delay! Especially after the lovely review about my speedy updates... Bad timing for a busy schedule then that damned writers block! :/**

 **Went for a jog though and it blew away all those cobwebs, so here it is, finally - Chapter Five!**

 **Again so sorry!**

 **Well, after mystical blue dream's requested for more Hanji to lighten things up a bit, I couldn't say no. She had been coming back in, but that just spurred me to put her in sooner! :) I find it hard to do good banter between her and Levi though, she's so funny but not just hyper, she's a clever, sometimes crude sense of humour, so I wanted to try her get it right.**

 **Don't think I did, but look, she's in there anyway, so...**

 **Anyway, thanks for the reviews etc, I deeply appreciate the support! :)**

 **Enjoy and pleas keep on reviewing! ;)**

* * *

Chapter Five

Cold seemed to be seeping from every inch of the castle when Levi awoke the next day, his dark mood that had hovered above him all night, drifting to settle upon him once more.

He lay in bed for a few seconds, the birds filling the early hours with their dawn chorus, the insects adding a back beat to their harmony.

Usually, when he woke up, he got up.

There was no time for laying about - there were orders to fulfil, tasks to complete.

This morning, however, he just wanted to stay there, let the rising sun gather itself and it's warmth and linger across his room, it's light making things more bearable.

Closing his eyes, he saw a flash of sunlight, but it wasn't the one in the sky.

Two suns, full of life and hidden thoughts were instead looking up at him, as she said those two words;

"Goodnight, Captain."

What was she thinking when she left?

Her lack of a response had him up until the early hours, distracting him while he dejectedly scribbled out some paperwork.

She had probably felt sorry for him, making such a fool of himself, kissing her like that at such an inappropriate time...

Did that mean he wanted to kiss her at an appropriate time?

He couldn't understand where these feelings had come from, how they had been born and growning in his being, without his knowledge.

Well, whatever she had felt, she'd kept it to herself as she'd left him alone under the blanket of stars.

Levi threw back his covers, determination now fuelling him to get up and find out what exactly his female squad member was thinking.

With a furrowed brow, he quickly dressed and made his bed, hands moving in quick and irritated but precise movements.

Striding down the halls and stairs, he thought back over the kiss, of how right it had felt.

Lips against lips, hands exploring the planes of her body had quickly become comfortable to him, which startled him with its natural ease.

Kissing and hand holding was not something he had ever concerned himself with: The Titans sure as hell weren't in need of affection before being obliterated, so why would he have?

That was all he focused on.

No, he realised with a darker frown, he had noticed his thoughts jumping to Petra more and more over the last couple of months, but he pegged it to her increasing skill and quiet, growing confidence catching his attention.

Now he scolded himself for being such a fool and not recognising his own desires.

If he didn't know himself, who did?

Still, intimacy wasn't something he had ever considered for himself, so how had he come to experience so much over the last few days, especially at a time like this?

What was wrong with him, that he he had chosen now, of all times, to explore a normal human experience he had no business with?

His life was far from normal.

Reaching the dining hall, clinking noises were accompanied by drawers and cupboards being opened.

He rounded the corner and his heart gave a strange leap as caramel hair and a slim figure captured his attention.

Pausing for a second, he watched her as she brewed coffee, the strong rich aroma wafting across the empty space between them.

If he had been expecting to see a glimpse of her thoughts in her actions, then he was mistaken.

Her movements were as deft and sure as always, the only thing missing her usual soft humming or banter with one of the men.

The humming had stopped the last few days, the men still recuperating from yesterday, so that wasn't anything to do with last night.

He decided he had to know, as it was his duty as a Captain to know when his soldiers were distracted and off their game.

'Yes, mastermind reasoning, Levi,' he scolded himself internally.

Walking into the kitchen fully, he headed over to stand beside her, reaching for the mugs in the press.

Petra heard him enter and turned, smiling softly at him.

"Morning, Captain. How'd you sleep?" She asked, her usual morning greeting.

"Morning, Petra," he replied, ignoring the question attached.

He wasn't about to tell her he'd slept poorly because a kiss had him, Levi Ackerman, up for hours, driving him insane with its meaning.

No, he sure as hell wasn't about to do that.

He felt pathetic enough, no need to admit it, too.

Pulling mugs from the press, he watched her from the corner of his eye. Her face held nothing but a relaxed, concentrated expression as she put the last touches to the coffee.

She showed no signs of feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed, which he realised, he guiltily expected.

Even wanted, just a little.

Taking the pot of coffee in her hands, Petra started pouring the dark liquid into each mug, the splashing drop causing it to slosh up the edges of the mug.

Levi grimaced as some rolled down the edge and stained the counter.

Almost immediately, though, his subordinate had a cloth in hand and was lifting each mug, cleaning the bottoms.

He felt his shoulder relax as the cloth left the counter with that satisfying, glistening cleanliness.

Petra shot him an amused look, but he didn't see it as he focused on picking up several mugs at once, using his knuckles to balance them.

He carried them out to the dining hall, leaving her to follow with the milk and sugar.

Once satisfied he wasn't going to drop them, he started his smooth walk out of the kitchen.

He was stalling, he knew that and he couldn't believe he'd stooped to this level of cowardice.

He could take on several Titans at once, but ask him to put his feelings out there, where people could see and judge them?

He'd rather be sent out with no 3DM gear beyond the wall.

"Captain, how's your ankle?" Petra was frowning at him when he dared a glance over his shoulder, only steps away from the table now.

He must have been limping without realising, the pain still evident whenever he walked for too long or let it stay still and stiff.

Scraping the mugs onto the safety of their usual table, he turned to her as she placed down her items.

He wasn't even aware she knew of his injury, but she was looking at him with concern on her face. He should have know she would find out, she was the kind of person to notice these things.

"Fine. It's just a sprain," he brushed it off.

Was she purposely avoiding talking about it? A romantic encounter between a commanding officer and their subordinate did not often happen, especially within his squad.

Eyes narrowing in suspicion, he felt his patience starting to twitch, being as limited as it was with him right now.

"Hmm, we should probably bandage it if you haven't already. Give it some extra support."

The gentle clink-scrape from the spoon twirling within the hot drink irked him, adding to the distractions from what he needed focus on.

"I think there is some lying around... What is it, Captain?" She asked slowly, catching his annoyed look at her.

"Stop avoiding with small talk, Petra. It's irritating as hell," he stood with his hand on the table, the other on his side as he cut to the chase. No point beating around the bush.

His female soldier looked at him with a blank gaze for a second, quirking an eyebrow in query at him.

"Last night," was all he would say, his look daring her to play ignorant to what he meant.

Soft understanding filled her warm eyes, and she gave a small smile as she shook her head at him.

"Captain, it's ok. I'm not expecting, nor needing an explanation or apology," she looked him in the eye as she talked. "I know what last night was. After everything that's happened... You needed something to make you feel alive, to help you feel like you were still connected to everything and everyone still here. Heck, we both did."

Frowning softly down at the mugs, she didn't see Levi's confused frown. She was lost in thought, spoon idly stirring in a forgotten motion.

"That's why you kissed me, and why I kissed you back. To feel something normal and alive again."

Pain filled eyes glanced up as she finished speaking, but she was also so calm and sure.

Levi found he had no clue what to say in reply, his mind whirring.

The kiss had been only an act of two people in grief, trying to shock themselves into feeling again... That's what she was trying to tell him?

At first, anger and rejection filled up his chest and he was about to respond when the sense of it hit him.

That would be an explanation of why he suddenly felt the need last night, of all awfully, ill-timed moments, to kiss her.

Blanching, he stayed silent and watched her pour milk into the last mugs.

Was she right, or was she just politely rejecting him and trying to make him feel better about it?

"So don't worry about it, Captain," she smiled at him.

He had no chance to respond as they could hear the sound of footsteps and crutches coming down the hall, signalling the arrival of the rest of the team.

So, Levi let it go, slowly taking hold of a mug and sitting at his spot at the head of the table.

Petra had disappeared back into the kitchen to get food.

"Morning, Captain," Eren greeted as he led the other two men into the dining hall.

"Yeager, you and Eld have to go back to the hospital today. Doctors orders," he stated, staring at the floor as he raised his mug to his mouth. He was grateful for the chance to just get on with orders as usual.

This week of unstructured hours and impromptu emotional requirements had him feeling irritated. He needed to get things on track if they wanted to get started on catching the Female Titan.

Every day that passed was another chance she got to cover her tracks.

"What about us?" Aurou asked of himself and Petra, finding his coffee among the mugs.

"You two can come back to town. You need a check up as well."

"What about you, sir?" Petra asked as she returned, a big bowl of porridge in her hands which she lay in the centre of the table.

Levi glanced up at her, still feel strange after their whole interaction.

"I been called up to headquarters, there's a meeting for the heads of the branches," a frown accompanied his words.

"Ugh.. Is this about.. The Female Titan, sir?" Eren asked, a flustered expression on his face.

"Of course, brat, what else?" Levi grumbled, spooning some of the porridge into a wooden bowl.

"What's going to happen with that, Cap?" Eld asked, his face pale and drawn. Levi was concerned he'd pushed himself too far, only being conscious for two days now, since his coma.

In hind sight, letting him go was probably an idiotic thing to do, but Levi want going to be the one deny him the chance to get some damned closure.

"I've no idea. But they need to get their heads out of their asses and start making a move." Before it's too late, he added silently.

* * *

"Levi! You look awful! Have you been experiencing bowl problems?" Hanji's face appeared right in front of his, a sheen flashing across her glasses.

"Yeah, Four Eyes, that's why I look like crap, cause I can't take one," Levi answered back sarcastically at the brunette as she stood against the wall beside him.

They were outside the chambers of the Premier Zachary, having been called in to discuss the matter of the 57th expeditions results.

"Nothing a healthy diet of fibre won't fix," Hanji continued, her usual content, casual expression making him roll his eyes. She could easily trick people into thinking she was normal with that look.

"To be honest, I thought you might have been avoiding me. After our little chat last time you stormed away from," she gave him a pointed look. She was never one to be subtle about these things.

Levi glared at her, memories of her telling him to disband his team resurfacing uncomfortably.

"Anyway, I hope you thought about it. How's Eren, by the way? I was hoping to talk to him, you know, document his experiences and healing rates etc. The doctors showed me some of his charts, but I'd rather get a first hand account. More satisfying," she rambled on, causing Levi to tune out.

There was only so much he could tune her voice out, though.

"Hanji! Shut up, you're giving me a headache," he growled when she kept blabbing on about her thoughts on Eren's healing abilities and how she might further test them to compare to the Female Titans.

"Oh, Shorty, when are you going to get laid and loosen up already? You need to release the tensions somehow, you know."

"I'm going to knock you out cold if you don't shut up, Titan Lover."

"See, this is what I mean. All this passive aggressiveness. Why not take it out on some willing girl? Some of them are into kinky shit like that," Hanji continued, knowing exactly how to tease him without sending her friend into an actual rage.

Levi shoved off the wall and went to stand on the opposite side of the hall than her, even though he'd have to flee the building to escape her loud opinions.

"You're one to talk about getting laid. How the hell do you expect to find someone when every man knows how insane you are? They'll have the ear talked off them about Titan sex during. Not exactly a turn on," Levi scoffed, leaning back his head with his eyes closed.

"Well, now, you know Titans don't have reproductive-"

Her sentence was cut short by Levi's hand slapping over her mouth.

"Shut. Up," he glared, rolling his eyes as he released her. "Good grief, woman, how the hell do your subordinates listen to you all day?"

He once again tuned her out as she stated the reasons she chose them was their combat skills but also their scientific minds blah, blah.

He knew if he gave the odd eyebrow raise or disinterested noise, it'd keep her happy enough to keep chattering.

During their years of friendship he'd learned how to keep her talking while tuning her out, allowing his own thoughts to function... Slightly, this was Hanji, so it wasn't totally possible to block it out.

He found his thoughts now, however, were completely drawn away from his friend across the hall.

Her shot about getting laid hadn't gone completely over his head.

Of course, his treacherous mind had went right to Petra and her damned luscious lips.

He felt his chest tighten at the thought of their breaths, mouths and bodies being so wrapped completely up in each other, of how for those few moments, it had only been them.

There was no Captain and his subordinate, not even the grief of the past few days.

It had been her and him and the need to be that close and experience her in ways he'd never even considered.

Although according to her, it hadn't actually meant all that much.

He frowned to himself, turning over her words again in his mind.

Was she right? Had the.. kiss - He groaned inwardly and rolled his eyes - merely been a coping tool?

Somehow, he didn't think so.

As uncomfortable as he was with the feelings stirring in his chest, the ones that seemed to be roaring to life the more time he now spent with the golden eyed girl, he knew they were new and different.

He'd slept with an adequate number of women over the years, 'releasing the tension' as Hanji had put it, but he'd never felt any real emotional attachment.

Hell, he didn't think he'd ever even kissed some of them.

Petra, though, he'd known for a good few years now, protecting her, teaching her, fighting with her and watching her grow in skill and maturity to the woman he now knew.

She had his back, was able to talk to him without him wanting to tell her to shut up. It was natural and easy to be around her, even when her optimism and friendliness were sometimes too much to bare.

Had that somehow translated to these feelings he now carried for her?

It seemed plausible and the only thing that made sense right now.

He had a sudden thought, like a slap to the back of the head.

He had now realised what his feelings meant and had stupidly played his hand too early, before he'd sussed out her feelings.

She'd brushed it off, making light of the whole thing, so did that mean she didn't feel the same?

Maybe to her he was just her Captain, the man she'd chosen to fought for, her superior who'd made an inappropriate move on her?

Damn her! How could she be getting under his skin so much, messing up his usually calm, focused mind.

He felt like someone had smashed their way into his home and broken and thrown around everything he knew and understood.

Feeling he was fast losing clarity and his cool, he took a deep breath and thought about it rationally, not like the bumbling idiot he was fast becoming,

He thought about how she usually acted around him.

She was loyal, obedient and always eager to please, probably one of the best soldiers he'd seen apart from the others in his squad.

Great, so she was either an extremely well trained soldier or working dog, he thought sarcastically.

He shook his head and dug deeper.

He had noticed over the years she'd go out of her way sometimes to hang around him, doing chores that weren't necessary or offering to go to town or headquarters with him.

She was always chatting with him and trying to stay on his good side... Again, that could just be her duty as a soldier she was fulfilling, not a romantic need.

Why did this have to be so complicated? Had he been better with words and emotional situations, he'd walk right up to her and flat out ask her what the hell was going on.

Alas, he wasn't that man, and he didn't want her knowing he was thinking and feeling these things.

So, instead he was going to have to just figure out himself what her feelings towards him were.

"Levi! Hello, did you go into a trance or something?" Hanji was clicking her fingers at him, an amused expression on her face.

He snapped back to reality, flustered and angry she'd caught him so deep in thought, especially about that.

It wasn't like she could read thoughts or his purposely blank facial expression, but sometimes she scared him by knowing things about him and what he was thinking.

"What, Four Eyes? Do you need constant confirmation that you aren't talking to imaginary figures? Because believe me, they'd find a way to leave too, so I don't really blame you for checking."

"Yikes, I was just telling you I think they're nearly ready for us. What were you thinking about? My suggestion about getting some action?" She grinned knowingly at him and Levi nearly froze, then mentally slapped himself.

How could she possibly know what he was thinking of?

Behind her, the double doors opened up an MP soldier holding them open.

"They are ready for you, if you would kindly follow me," she stated stepping aside for the two soldiers to step into the large chambers.

It was more like a mini court room, a chair centre stage behind a large, dark mahogany desk.

There were a couple of rows of chairs semi circled wither side, the aisle in middle the only blank space.

After closing the door behind them, the young woman gestured for them to follow her down the room, standing beside to empty chairs beside Erwin and Mike.

Levi was not surprised to see the keen nosed Section Commander there: apart from Levi and Hanji, he was Erwin's closest confident.

Nodding in thanks to the MP soldier, Hanji slid in first, swapping a look with Erwin.

He did not look pleased, his brow drawn in and his jaw tense.

Levi looked to his right, across the row to where Nile Dok was sitting with his head soldier and Commander Pixis likewise.

At the front, seated behind the large table, was the grey bearded Premier Zachary, the man who had granted Levi custody of Eren.

"Captain Levi, Section Commander Hanji, thank you for waiting while we discussed matters," Premier Zachary's authorise voice called across the room. "I have been reviewing the frankly disastrous results of the 57th expedition, on which Eren Yeager's loyalty and usefulness to humankind was being judged. As you can imagine, what with the new details that have come to light in the form of a second Titan shifter and Yeager's inability to stop her, the results are not in favour of your plight. We are here to discuss the matter that transpired and the date of young Cadet Yeager."

Levi's jaw twitched at the already so negative tone of the Premier. It sounded like he'd already made up his mind, although Levi had doubted this would go any other way.

But he was going to fight like hell to stop it.

"If you are ready to begin, we shall start by discussing the events that led to the discovery of the Female Titan and the failure to capture her," Zachary shuffled some papers before leaning forward, peering out over his glasses. A heavy, ominous air now blanketed the room.

"Soldiers, let me just say now - I don't want any detail left unturned, no matter how big or small. I want it all, no matter how long it takes."

* * *

Indeed, time it did take. They sat for hours, going over tedious details and arguing points back and forth.

Levi thought his head was going to burst if he had to try get across his point once more. He had tried to fight it, tried to deny the fact that, despite the failure and huge amount of casualties, they still needed Eren and his abilities.

The evidence just kept piling up against them, though and that, along with Nile Dok's continuous interruptions, had the Premier from the start.

Begin head of all three military branches and therefor responsible for unanimous decisions that benefited civilians also, Zachary was harsh but fair.

It left little wiggle room for Levi, Erwin and company to deny that they had failed and also allowed a dangerous soldier back into their midst.

So, when the decision was made, Levi had expected it but still resented it.

The Premier had spoken his final word and would not go back.

They had lost custody of Eren.

His fate was now uncertain, yet again and this time, there was nothing Levi could do.

 **There may only be a couple chapters left, then I'll finish my other multi chapters.**

 **I have been toying with the idea of a sequel, continuing with the manga events... I just have to finish it! :P**

 **I'll see..**

 **Hope you are all still enjoying! :)**

 **God bless and happy readings**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi guys, I am so so sorry for the delay on my multi chapters. I'll try be faster!**

 **Also, apologies for typos and not having paragraph lines in some of my chapters - I've edited them a million times and they still won't change!**

 **I hope you're all still enjoying this and thanks for all the support! :)**

* * *

Chapter Six

To say the Eld's doctor was unhappy was putting it lightly. After taking one look at her patient, she took on a terrifyingly parental scowl and tone.

"What was my one condition, hmm? I specifically said two hours - at _most_! Now you come waltzing back in a day later? No. Not good enough, Mr Jinn!"

Eld gave her an apology that Petra feared would not be nearly enough to satisfy the furious practitioner, but, being the straight laced, charmingly honest man he was, her team mate managed to calm her.

"I am sorry doc, I just figured if I'm going to be in here for a while I could suffer through a few hours to be with my squad and friends," he finished, his expression respectful but firm.

Hands still on hips, Dr Gershwin regarded him for a long moment, green eyes snapping with annoyance before she sighed, scratching her eyebrow, a habit she seemed to be in.

"Very well. But please note, if you try anything like this again - I'm not going to be so who has to sign you off before you can get back to the real world," she half threatened, giving him an annoyed, yet amused expression before leaving to go get a nurse to administer antibiotics etc.

When she'd returned, she sent Eren, Aurou and Petra herself to be seen to as well.

So now, she was seated on a firm mattress, a Dr Vikwell checking over her chest and stitches.

"Hmm, ok," he hummed as he took the stethoscope from her ribs, a furrow in his brow as he looked up at her. "Well, your stitches seem to be healing ok, still early days, so don't strain yourself or you could burst 'em. As for your lung..."

He stroked his bushy, sandy beard, blue eyes squinting at her.

"I can see the start of a secondary infection. The lung is inflamed, which is why you're still hurting so much. I can give you a second round of antibiotics, stronger than the ones you're on. But you'll be run down, your immune system is going to be weakened. You'll need plenty of rest and there's a herb tonic that will help boost it back up," he sat with one knee perched on the bar of the bed, hand resting on his knee. "If I may... Ms Ral, I don't suggest that you return to duty for quite a while. In fact," he sighed, knowing a dedicated soldier never swallowed these things easily, "I strongly advise against it."

Glancing at him, Petra felt a cold grip at the nape of her neck, pulling her mind back away from the harsh truth that was about to befall her.

"How long is a while?" Voice laced with a harsh barrier, she dreaded his answer.

"At least six to eight months. Your back muscles will need the time to knit back together, too. Start physically extering them too soon and you could always have trouble. I'm sorry, Ms Ral. But if you intend on going back at all, then you'll need to do this."

Blowing out an exasperated breath, Petra looked down at her hands.

"I need to get back to fighting shape. There's so much about to happen... I can feel it," she spoke softly to the room, her voice rasping slightly with tension.

"You won't be in fighting shape unless you rest and allow yourself time to heal. That's my final order I'm afraid," he grimaced, patting her shoulder consolingly as he left.

Petra sat in the heavy silence, dust motes dancing around her, invading the air she sucked in deeply to ease the weight.

Suddenly giving her head a shake, as if she could get push it to the back of her mind, she fixed her shirt and jacket, civilian clothes now she was no longer on duty.

She might just have to get used to that for a while.

She clicked open the door and set off down the hall in search of her comrades.

It seemed a distant memory when they had first been carted in and Petra felt she was a shade less of the person she was before.

She'd just have to pretend it was still there, the sliver of her soul that had been chipped away.

A door opened ahead of her and Aurou and a doctor came out, the doctor finishing giving him instructions.

"Thanks," Aurou muttered as the man strolled away briskly.

Shaking his head, he turned and saw Petra walking towards him and strolled up to meet her.

"Damn doctors, you'd swear they wanted to lose to the titans, keeping soldiers from duty," he complained, arms folded tightly across his chest.

"You been told to stay off, too?" She crinkled her nose.

"Of course. Idiots," he shook his head.

Petra stood, staring at a couple sitting down in a waiting area. They looked tired and shattered, gripping each other's hands. Dried tear tracks glistened dully on the woman's face in the light of the hospital.

The caramel haired woman found herself thinking of her own parents, of how they must feel every time she went over the Wall.

Seeing all the chaos and grief inflicted upon all those families, it was what made the next words come from her mouth.

"Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe we need a break."

Her friend stared at her incredulously, as if she'd sprouted wings and a tail.

"I just think... After everything, maybe we deserve a break," she said dejectedly, suddenly feeling drained. She turned to him and felt her shoulders sag slightly.

"I'm tired, Aurou. Exhausted. And I don't just mean in need of a good nights sleep, I mean tired of losing people. I'm sick of feeling like this," she didn't realise how true her words rang until she'd blurted them out, her conscious bursting forth of its own will.

Her squad mate looked at her for a few moments, his expression thoughtful before he sighed and raised his eyebrows at her.

"I guess you're right. A couple of months won't do any harm. But Petra," he frowned, "This is what we signed up for. Remember that."

"I know, I know. And I wouldn't change it, but... Still."

The two meandered down the halls again, this time minus the worry of Eld regaining consciousness, of dealing with the reality of Günter's death or of the uncertainty of the next few days.

Now, they knew the days held nothing but rest and the churning thoughts in their heads. While she knew she needed it, it left a hollow, dread filled foreboding in her.

"Let's check on Eren," Petra suggested, not waiting for a reply.

When they reached the room the young teenager had been taken to, he was already getting ready to go, too.

"Eren, you feeling ok?" She asked him, a warm smile on her face.

"Oh, hey guys, yeah. Ah," he looked embarrassed for a second, scratching the back of his neck. "My Ti- my healing kicked in. I'm fine now," he looked down, hand clenching and unclenching.

He'd barely looked at them, barely made eye contact the last few days and Petra thought she knew why.

"You shouldn't blame yourself, Eren. We told you to run. We.. I.. Pushed you to trust us. We were all doing our jobs, what we were recruited to do. So don't beat yourself up, ok?"

Eren's shoulders tensed before they started to shake.

"She's right, kid. It's not your fault that whore went rogue," Aurou added, a dark expression on his face.

Walking over to the newest team member, Petra stood in front of his trembling form, waiting until his big eyes turned upwards to her.

"Promise me, Eren. You won't - _don't_ \- blame yourself. What happened was because of the person who decided to kill all those soldiers, who tried to kill you. It's her and no one else's fault. You got that?" She raised her eyebrows at him, not breaking the gaze.

After a few seconds, the young cadet seemed to accept that she wasn't going to back down. He blew out a shaky breath and straightened his shoulders, looking back with a more determined, peaceful expression.

"Yes, ma'am. And... Thank you," he saluted and Petra gently slapped his hand away from his chest.

"After all we've been through together, you can stop being so formal. We're a team, Eren. No matter what."

Looking between her and Aurou, who nodded in agreement, Eren's face brightened slightly.

"Ok. Thanks.. Petra."

* * *

They stayed with Eren for a little bit longer before heading out to go get some food. They were just leaving the hospital when a familiar figure strode up to them.

"Captain, we weren't expecting you here," Petra frowned through her and Aurou's salute.

"Matters changed, I needed to come," he stated, standing with an agitated pose.

Things had obviously not gone well at the meeting.

"Bad news, Captain?" Aurou frowned, not failing to notice his stance either.

"You could say that," Levi sighed in exasperation. "Where's the brat? He needs to come with me."

"Come.. Where, Captain? What happened at the meeting?" Petra had a bad feeling about the answer, particularly knowing the failure of the mission. This could only be bad.

"The Premier has revoked our custody of Yeager. I need to bring him back to headquarters, prepare him for what's going to happen. Tomorrow the MP's will take custody of him and bring him back for the final decision," Levi stated heavily, tension and defeat lingering in the back of his tone.

"What's the final decision going to be a choice _of_?" Petra felt fear for the young boy unfurl in her chest, knowing the kind of harsh decisions that may be on the table.

Troubled, dark eyes turned to her and he just looked at her for a few seconds before shaking his head and looking away again.

"I think you both know exactly the kind of lengths they will go to to keep everyone safe. Only problem is, their resolve may be exactly what could cost us the upper hand."

Crossing her arms to brace against the pain in her chest, which was not solely due to her injuries anymore, she stood silently as Levi asked Aurou to fetch Eren. Her team mate's footsteps disappeared through the doors to the hospital, leaving her with the Captain.

They hadn't really talked since that morning at breakfast and Petra wasn't exactly sure on where they stood right now.

She'd expected him to say something as soon as he saw her that morning, tell her she was under no circumstance to ever mention that moment to anyone, or talk to him about it, ever.

She'd figured it was a moment of vulnerability for him, one he wouldn't appreciate being shared with anyone. Not that she would - that had been a private moment between them.

When he hadn't though, she suspected it was to go without being said, the not mentioning to anyone.

Then he _had_ brought it up and thrown her with his bluntness. It had almost verged on anger.

So, she had offered the most soothing, none committal explanation she could.

Petra wasn't a fool - she knew what kind of man he was, knew he had problems with feelings and was kind of a perfectionist. The kiss had probably been something he immediately regretted, a lapse in judgement due to the emotional swell around the city.

One she was extremely overwhelmed by.

When it had happened and she'd given in to the embrace, she knew she should have stopped it, but couldn't bring herself to.

This was Captain Levi - she'd admired and had feelings for him for a long time. She hadn't exactly let herself think of them, keeping them buried once they'd come to her attention. It was a bad idea and never going to happen, so why indulge it?

After they'd pulled away from the kiss, she knew she had to get out of there instantly before she exploded with the onslaught of emotion tearing a path through the painful ones huddled there.

That was why she'd fled, leaving the Captain standing there.

She thought maybe it would be easier, just letting him believe it hadn't been a big deal and letting him chalk it up to whatever mistake he deemed it to be.

Then he'd given out to her for making small talk, slapping out the words ' _Last night_ ', like he demanded she explain herself.

Now, she wasn't sure what he was thinking or how to act. She was just trying her best to act normal.

Noticing he was staring at her again, she felt her heart stir in her chest, like a bird disturbing dust from the bottom of a dark hole.

His dark eyes were so deep, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking most of the time.

"What did the doctor say?" He asked, never breaking his gaze.

"Ah, well my stitches are healing well, so.. That's good news," she smiled briefly, dreading saying the words out loud.

"That's not all. What else?" He persisted, knowing she was holding something back.

Sighing, she dropped her arms, knowing she had to tell him. He'd find out eventually.

"The doctor thinks there's a secondary infection after setting in. And that... Between that and the stitches, I should... Take leave. At least six months," she finished in a quiet defeated voice.

Saying it out, it made it hit home and she felt a panic course through her.

What if this was the end of her career? What if she wasn't allowed back into the military, or her parents somehow convinced or forced her to marry and settle down?

How could she leave this life, her team behind?

Levi was looking at her with a torn expression, but he suddenly gave a breathy laugh and turned away shaking his head.

"Of course," he merely said.

"Why are you laughing, sir?" Petra asked uncertainly.

"Because Hanji told me to disband my team, get another one while you all recovered. I didn't want to believe it might come to that.. But if you're off duty, and Eld won't recover until who knows when..." He trailed off, turning to look at her with an upset amusement. "Let me guess, Aurou's being pulled off duty, too?"

"Yes, Captain."

"So, the advice I fought against is being decided for me. Hanji was right. And _that_ ," he turned back to look at her briefly, "Is why I was laughing."

"I'm sorry, Captain," her voice wavered softly with sadness and she had to look at the ground.

"It's not your fault," he sighed back. "All your injuries are too extensive for fighting right now, at least. I knew the truth, just didn't know it until now. Seems that's happening to us a lot lately, Petra."

There was a heavy meaning behind those words, the definition out on them catching her attention.

Glancing up at him sharply, she was met with a challenging gaze and her heart gave an erratic thud. Was he hinting at the kiss?

The sound of a door opening was followed by the arrival of two set of footsteps as Aurou returned with Eren.

"Captain," the boy greeted him and it was evident in his voice and expression he had guessed at what was to come and accepted it.

It broke Petra's heart.

"Let's go, Eren. We have to get back to headquarters as soon as we can," Levi informed him coolly, beckoning the cadet towards the area the horses were waiting. "As for you two and Eld - I'll be back to discuss matters soon. Until then, rest and take it easy," he ordered, probably one of his last for a long time, if ever, Petra thought bleakly.

They once again locked eyes before he turned around and she could swear his look was almost saying; " _This isn't over._ "

Watching him stride away from her, Petra wondered what exactly that sneaky remark had meant. He said he knew the truth, just not until now.

 _What truth, though?_

"Petra, are you coming?" Aurou asked her, breaking her spell.

"Hmm?" She frowned at him, totally lost in thought.

"Food? Where we were headed before Captain came."

"Oh yes, of course. Umm, I'll catch up in a minute. I just need some more fresh air, " she shrugged at him.

Shaking his head, he left her alone, watching the forms of Levi and Eren get smaller and smaller.

Well, she'd definitely gotten herself into a mess, now. Levi seemed set to bring this up, to talk it out which had Petra floored. She was sure he'd want this buried.

His purposeful stride was becoming less clear, falling further and further away from her. That was how it was going to be for a while now, she guessed.

She suddenly felt heavy and cold at the thought of not seeing him everyday, not being there to fight by his side or be entrusted to complete orders for him.

Someone else would be filling their places, her place and it had her blood boiling.

Wait, was she... _Jealous_? Of the thought of someone fulfilling her duties?

She thought about it, about all the things they'd be taking over. Helping the guys with chores, completing orders and missions for and with the Captain.

Even bringing him a cup of coffee at night to help him stay awake. He often ended up letting her stay and help, their friendly chats filling the lonely evenings.

Petra imagined someone else bringing him that coffee, sitting and talking, getting to know him as well as she did.

Her hands gave a twitch and she wanted to slap this unknown person already.

This was her team, her Captain and she just had to walk away from it, all because of the Female Titan. If Petra ever found her in her human form, she'd kill her before she had a chance to blink.

Yes, it seemed jealousy had taken residence in her now, too. She was feeling a lot of unwanted things these days and it had left a bone crushing exhaustion in her soul. All she wanted was to lay down and not get up again.

A break may be what she needed physically, but mentally it was already tearing her up.

In the distance, Levi and Eren were just disappearing around a corner, gone in a second.

Her last view of the Captain was his strong, determined shoulders. She remembered how it had felt to slide her hands across them, almost like she could feel the weight and responsibility upon them.

It had felt right though, as if it was her place to be there to help him with that weight.

Damn him, he had her so twisted up right now and she didn't even really know how he felt.

Doubt was too strong to let her really hope he was feeling anything other than annoyance towards the kiss.

Then... What was the truth he now knew? One way or another, Petra hoped it was enough to keep her from losing him from her life.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading everyone, please review! I'd love to know what you thought! :)**

 **God bless and happy readings!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! It's been a long time since I've updated and I cannot apologise enough!**

 **This is, at last, the final chapter of Holding On And Letting Go.**

 **I've so enjoyed writing this story and hope you guys have all enjoyed it and this last chapter.**

 **I'm always worried my character are OOC, the events, wants, desires etc are all wrong, but in the end I decided so what?**

 **It's impossible to please everyone, get everything 100% right. This is fanfic, ppl are here to read more of their fav characters, different ideas, etc, so it's best to just try and enjoy!**

 **So I hope you can enjoy mine, too! :)**

 **Thank you all so, so much for the support, beautiful reviews etc. It means a lot!**

 **Usual disclaimer apply and I also took the dialogue n the first paragraph from the episode to make it correct!**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

Levi could feel the emptiness of the castle bearing down on him, but he point blank refused to let it get to him. Between that and the inevitable, official, revoking of Eren's custody, he felt enough things were already against him.

His walls had started to crumble at the top, revealing a layer of things he'd long ago blocked out.

It was time he started rebuilding those walls, just like the city was it's own.

He'd realised on his way over to the castle that now his custody of the brat had been metaphorically ripped in two, what was stopping the rest of his world being changed?

His team was completely gone and the future of the Scout's was very much in jeopardy.

It would be just his luck - the world had always seemed to be against him.

Yet, he'd always risen above it, refused to let something as tripe as 'fate' or 'destiny' decide his path.

Picking up his cup of tea, he wondered why the hell they were still sitting there. Erwin had relayed a message to him, stating that he needed to talk to Levi and Eren. He was supposed to be here before Nile Dok's men came.

"What's the hold up? Erwin's never late. They should be here. At this rate the damned MP's will show up first. That'd be our luck," he muttered, taking a mouthful of his tea. "Who can say - maybe they're all taking a shit. Duty calls, right?"

A half heated, awkward laugh came from the boy at the end of the table.

"You're-a .. Sure in a talkative mood today," he stated carefully.

"So what if I am? Doesn't mean I was talking to you."

Levi could see Eren glance around the empty room but still didn't look towards the Titan shifter.

A sudden lance of pain shot through the Captain's leg, emanating from his shattered ankle he'd received trying to stop Mikasa being battered by the Female Titan.

He gripped his leg with a grimace - it was as if the pain was punishing him for trying to pretend things were normal.

Eren noticed the sudden grimace of pain from his Captain and looked down, shame rolling through him. Levi was only hurt because he and Mikasa had to chase after him to save his ass - again.

"It's my fault, sir. I made the choice. If I'd had thought this through, none of this.. We wouldn't..."

Neither men made eye contact, Levi looking at the floor by his feet, Eren at his clenched fists on his knees.

"You made a judgment call. Look, no one expects you to be clairvoyant," Levi stated, his tone back to his usual unreadable one.

Behind him, the heavy wood of the door creaked, the bolt and hinges squeaking slightly as it was pushed open. Erwin's deep voice sounded through the room.

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

"Sir," Eren stood to salute his Commander, before making an sound of exclamation at seeing Mikasa, Armin, Jean standing in line with Erwin. "What the... Why.. Why are you all here?"

"We believe we've uncovered the Female Titans true identity," the tall, blonde man's face was deadpan and Levi felt a small stab of victory.

Finally.

Eren gave a little gasp, shocked that, not only did he know, but it was obvious his friends did too. Why else would they be there, looking so tired and down.

"She won't slip away his time," Erwin promised, his voice menacing.

Levi notices that Erwin wears a haunted look, Jean, Mikasa and Armin all looking down with troubled expressions.

His friend tells the newest Scout recruits to take a seat before pulling a map from his cape and smoothing it across the table.

"The day after tomorrow we'll be passing through Stohess District en-route to the Capital. That's when we'll strike. It'll be our first and only chance to do so. Once we've set foot in the interior the Government will assume custody of Eren and the Scout's authority to continue Operations will be limited. Thus, unless we wish to concede defeat, we must flush out the enemy now."

Eren nodded across at him with a determined face, glad something was finally happening. Erwin placed his hands on the table and leaned forward slightly.

"So here's what we do. While in Stohess we use Eren as bait, luring the target into this underground passage. The deeper the better. Get her well beneath street level. That done, she should easily be immobilised, even in Titan form. If she transforms before reaching the tunnel... Well at that point she'll be your responsibility, Eren."

Eren gave a huff of breath in shock and sat back. They were willing to unleash him in the middle of the Stohess district?

"Right. So we know she'll be in Stohess? There's no chance she'll bolt before we get there?"

Erwin lowered his head, looking up at Eren from under his eyebrows.

"No. She won't risk going AWOL."

"Wait, you mean she's..."

"Armin here identified her."

Eren glanced at Armin beside him, who gazed back with an unhappy look.

"She's an MP, likely responsible for the death of Hanji's test subjects. And a fellow trainee in the 104th Cadet Corp," Erwin delivered the earth shattering news, leaving Levi wondering how the hell someone so inexperienced could be so sly as to stay under their radar.

"Wha... You can't be serious?" Eren asked, jaw clenching with disbelief and eyes wide with shock. "I trained with her?!"

"I'm sorry, but yes. She's one of us," the Commander confirmed.

"No, it can't be!"

The air was heavy and tense as Erwin delivered the name of the one who had taken so many from them. Who had done the most heinous of crimes against her own kind.

The name that would forever bring shamed memories to the Military.

"Her name is Annie Leondhardt."

* * *

The plan was simple in theory, requiring a lot of stealth and secrecy.

In reality, Levi knew it would be one of the hardest things to pull off. There were too many variables, too many chances for this to go wrong.

If Annie were to escape or catch onto their plan before they got her underground, they would not only have lost their element of surprise, but they would have to let Eren take charge.

Meaning there would be two Titan Shifters loose in a heavily populated, not to mention, central, area.

The number of civilian casualties could be astronomical. The Scout regiment would be on the line for mass murder.

Even if the plan did go accordingly, they would still be under strict speculation.

Putting people at risk, allowing Eren, who was already a red flag to them, to be allowed free reign?

They would definitely be putting their heads on the chopping block, so to speak.

However, underneath all this doubt, all the worries, was the unanimous need for one thing - to take Annie down and make her pay for all she'd done to humanity.

This was what Levi was explaining to his soon to be ex-Squad, anyway - or rather trying to reason with himself out loud. Even to him, this was risky.

"So... That's it? A gamble? Either we get that bitch or the Scout's could be looking at more deaths than we can foresee and possibly have our asses locked in jail, at best?" Eld asked, scratching his blonde goatee.

"Pretty much, yes," Levi frowned, arms crossed as he sat in a semi circle with his team.

"Sounds like we've no other choice," Eld surmised with a shrug.

"Captain... I just think... There has to be another way," Petra reasoned, her worry showing in creases on her forehead.

Levi turned his gaze to Petra, his eyes boring into hers.

There had been an immediate tension between the two from the moment the Captain had walked in, Petra was sure of it.

After the last dig about their... moment... Levi had left her with, Petra hadn't stopped running over and over what he could have meant or was thinking.

Of course she got nowhere because this was Captain Levi she was dealing with.

Now, sitting across from his dark, brooding glare was making her not only flustered, but it was starting to grate on her nerves.

He was the one who had kissed her, after all.

He'd brought it up the next morning, then brought it up AGAIN after she'd given him an easy out - now he was giving her these looks (as if she could decipher them on a normal day!) that made her feel like she was being judged or blamed.

Her blood was definitely starting to boil.

It also didn't help that she couldn't stop replaying the kiss over as well.

At first it had been just to try figure out who was more responsible in the end - namely, exactly how much emotion had actually gone into it, who had broken it off first, who had held who in what way.

As she'd replayed these details, her thoughts had started lingering on particular moments, on the feel of their skin and lips touching...

His deep, onyx eyes centimetres from hers, hands in her hair... Breath and tongue skimming and mingling with hers...

She'd found herself staring into space, a finger trailing over her lips or washing the same mug for ten minutes, several times.

Petra was pretty sure Aurou and Eld thought she'd lost the plot.

"And what else do you suggest, Petra? Because if you have an easier solution, please I'm all ears," Levi stated in a deadpan tone.

"I just think it's too risky. There could be a million and one complications," Petra argued back, determined for once, not to back down and submit to her superior.

Not on this.

"So what, we should roll over and give up? Run from the responsibility?" Levi snapped.

"Not all of us are as sure of the other's intentions and final expectations, sir," the doubly-laden words were out before Petra could stop them.

 _Too late._

She didn't miss the slight glint of a challenge light up in Levi's eyes and she knew she'd poked the bear - his gaze was squarely on her now and she could practically predict the route this double conversation was about to take.

"Sometimes the end game's worth the risk, Petra. How can you know until you've tried?"

"Maybe this course wasn't obvious until now. I mean, you only found out about the plan recently yourself, didn't you Captain?"

"That may be, but I can see the prospects of the plan. And if everyone involved was willing to put in the effort, go the extra mile, then we'd stand much more of chance."

Petra gave an incredulous little laugh, at both meanings of his words.

"So you think you're the only one willing to try their best? I'm sure the other soldiers are just a bit unsure as to how to process and handle such an unclear area, Captain. Especially considering this is not a situation anyone thought we'd find ourselves in."

"I think they're just in denial because they're afraid of the risks and not looking at what would happen if they didn't move forward. If we stay in the state we're in now, we'll all end up missing the bigger opportunities or making life complicated for the future," Levi narrowed his eyes at her and Petra found she had no response.

On either side of them, Eld and Aurou were looking at the two and then each other.

Did Petra have a death wish?

And why was the Captain being so belligerent? He usually would have just pulled rank and told Petra that it was orders and to take them.

Also, Petra usually wouldn't dare argue with Levi.

Something weird was going on, more than just the horrible situation they'd all been thrown into.

Giving each other a look, Aurou broke into the uncomfortable silence that had now taken root in the room.

"Ah, yes well, good points... But I think, as far as plans go, everyone just wants to keep Eren safe. He is our best chance, even now, against the Titans. And I, for one, wouldn't mind seeing him take that whore down. And I'm quite sure Erwin only has the best intentions for Humanity's chances."

Levi and Petra both looked at Aurou, seeming to be snapped out of their trance.

"Of course, I wasn't implying that," Petra gruffly amended, "I'm sure the Commander has thought it all through, I just meant.."

She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to fully plant her mind in the real conversation.

"A lot of people are going to be at risk and Eren's already in so much trouble. And now he knows that he's trained with the Female Titan, it's going to make it harder for him to just blindly attack and take her out. He's not a monster."

"No, but his Titan hopefully won't have a problem taking her on, if needs be. He just has to push past whatever feelings might stop him and turn. Hopefully, the rest will just.. happen," Eld sighed.

"It all depends on Leondhardt. She'll be the deciding factor," Levi said in a more neutral tone.

Whatever tension had built had disappeared once the team had focused solely on the problem.

"Not that this concerns any of you, logistically. You're all officially off duty until you're cleared. If there's anything to be cleared for, once this goes down," the Captain frowned.

"I can't believe we have to just sit idly by," Aurou ground out.

"Deal with it. You'll just have to see what the situation is when you're ready to come back. Until then, go home, rest and do... whatever you damn well please."

Without another word, Levi stood up, placing his chair back against the hospital room wall.

"I trust you all realise that this conversation goes no further than this room. For everyone's safety," he looked each of them in the eye, lingering slightly longer on Petra, who just looked back serenely.

"Yes, Captain," they chorused, deflated and defeated.

"Right. Well, look after yourselves," Levi said, not even looking at them anymore, halfway out the room.

The door swung closed a second later and he was gone, no longer their Captain, just another soldier to them now.

"Well, guess we shouldn't be surprised at the lack of heartfelt goodbyes," Eld shook his head amusedly.

"All our years in his Squad.. It's hard to believe we're done," Aurou nodded in agreement, heaving a sigh.

"No. There's no way," Petra shook her head angrily, frustrated tears threatening to spring up and out her her eyes.

"There's no way what?" Eld asked tiredly.

"How can we just sit here and let this happen, let the Captain, Eren and all our comrades fight this alone? After everything, I can't believe we're just... out," she sat back heavily in her seat, feeling helpless.

"I know. I feel so useless," Eld muttered.

"Well, you're in no fighting shape with your leg, Eld. But us?" Petra looked to Aurou, "We shouldn't be sidelined. We shouldn't be..."

"Replaced?" Aurou filled in for her.

Looking at her team mate, Petra knew she wasn't the only one feeling it.

"Yeah. After all our effort, our work... We were chosen by Levi himself. We gave everything, lost Günter... I mean, what are the chances that this thing is going to turn out perfectly? We might never get the chance to step back in," the caramel haired soldier voiced her worries.

"Firstly, thanks, for knocking me out of the equation," Eld teased Petra, understanding she was only being truthful and was upset, "Secondly, it's seriously pissing me off, too. We chose this life and took the Scouts as our fighting family. Now, thanks to this Annie, we're useless to them. And we're not even getting the chance to get our revenge for Günter."

The three sat, stewing in their anger and indignation until Aurou burst first.

"Damn it all to hell if I'm going to sit here and let this be the closing chapter in our military careers! The Captain doesn't want us gone, we don't want to be gone, so why should we lie down and take it?! I'm going to fight and I know you are, Petra, and after you're better, Eld, we'll make sure you're back in," he slammed his hands down on arms of his chair and there was a fierce determination glowing in his eyes.

Petra and Eld found themselves getting pumped by their comrades enthusiasm.

"Yes! That more like it, Aurou! Finally, I agree with you on something," Eld smiled, making Aurou pause for a second.

"I'm going to go tell Captain that we're going to fight. No matter what," the wavy haired man stood, adrenalin and determination giving him a confidence boost, enough of one to go defy Levi's orders.

Petra had been quiet, thinking of the secret words spoken between her and her Captain.

If she'd understood him and hadn't been just presuming he was, indeed, speaking of them as well as the mission, then from what she gathered he was all for exploring things further. Petra still wasn't sure what she really felt or wanted, but she knew that she cared for the man deeper than just in just a working capacity.

She was also still trying to get over the fact that he, Captain Levi, was interested in.. no, she was fairly sure he was actually attracted to her. Whatever way she looked at it, he was definitely trying to push past a purely camaraderie style relationship.

That was something she couldn't wrap her mind around. Never did she imagine she even registered to him as being a woman, not just a soldier, except in pure strength terms.

As new as it may be to them both, he was clearly thinking of her now.

He'd been very quick and clear on his responses.

Damn it, if he knew what he wanted and could make it known to her, why couldn't she?

She wasn't the emotionally closed off one of the two, after all.

Which was how she found herself saying no to Aurou.

"Let me. He's more likely to listen to me and besides... I have one more point to my argument," she looked at them both, knowing they had not missed the strange exchange between her and Levi.

Hopefully, they just didn't catch the undercurrent of it all.

Glancing at each other, the two men shrugged before Aurou held his arm out to the door, indicating for her to go ahead.

Petra strode out of the room, a fuel in her soul making her stalk down the halls towards the stairs and the exit.

She'd have to move quickly if she was going to try catch him. If she missed this opportunity...

No, she would catch him.

* * *

Once she'd neared the lobby, Petra's chest was already starting to burn and thrum, but every beat was his name, every burn was the longing to figure this out, to know once and for all.

Slamming out through the main doors, she whipped her head left and right, trying to figure out which way he would have gone.

She felt something pull her to the left and she was once again flying down paths, eyes roving for her dark haired Captain.

Finally she spotted him walking through a tunnel of buildings, quite a bit ahead of her in the setting sun, the streets quiet and abandoned around them.

Petra forced herself to ignore the pain and broke into a sprint, slowing when she was nearly in hearing distance. Taking a few gulps of air, she called out to his back.

"Captain!"

She saw him pause, becoming alert at the sound of her voice.

"What are you doing out here?" Was all he asked after turning and regarding her for a few seconds.

"Captain, we need to talk," Petra said, still slightly breathless.

"Oh? I thought we'd said it all, already," he quirked an eyebrow at her, challenging her to take the bait.

So she hadn't imagined the double meaning to their heated words.

"Some. But one thing wasn't made clear. Captain, with all due respect, there is no way we are going to stand by and watch you guys fight this battle alone. This is as much our fight as it is yours."

A slight breeze trickled in and around them as Levi contemplated her words, trying to figure out what she was thinking. He dropped his insistent attack on their relationship development, taking her track instead.

"Petra... As much as I want my Squad fully operational, it's just not an option. You've all suffered enough for this. It's time you take a step back," he said softly, not looking at her.

Even if he wanted to let them in on this mission, if they weren't hurt, it wasn't his choice. This was a delicate operation and he wasn't even going to be involved past his obligatory presence for several reasons.

Besides, he couldn't help but feel they'd given enough already. He couldn't ask them to take this risk, too.

"Captain, this is what we signed up for. Especially accepting your squad position. We knew it was dangerous and it was probably only a matter of time before we were killed. We're not going to turn and run now," Petra insisted softly.

"You can't and that's the final point. You're injured already and if things go south, chances are you wouldn't be in a state to help," Levi insisted back, not wanting to even think about the fact that if they went, his remaining team could be caught in a fight of a lifetime at only half their capabilities.

Frustration flared up in Petra's chest as she realised he wasn't going to agree.

"I don't care, sir. I can't stand back and let you..." Shutting down her emotion fuelled words, the petite soldier took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Let me? Let me what, Petra?" Levi asked with narrowed eyes, his automatic response jumping back to rank power. "May I remind you, you don't 'let me' do anything."

Ok, this was so not how she'd planned this on going.

All visions of her giving a heart felt speech about fighting by his side and him accepting and telling her he'd see her on the battlefield or something equally badass, were washed down the drain.

"Captain, you know that's not what I mean! I just meant that I can't stand to think of you going out there without us backing you up. Without knowing we're there to help you," she shrugged, holding her hands up helplessly.

This was getting them nowhere.

Levi knew he had to nip this in the bud, stop letting her hopes get higher just to be undoubtedly dashed.

Besides, this wasn't easy for him either, basically shutting them out of his life when he'd chosen them specifically and fought and lived with them for years.

After everything that had happened with him and Petra over the last week, it also wasn't fair that the only time in his life he'd ever thought about having something equivalent to a normal relationship, everything was against it.

Including Petra, it seemed.

So excuse him for not feeling like having a heart to heart.

"I don't understand why you want to come. After all, you made it clear things were too risky to even try," he taunted, arms crossed over his chest as he glared her down.

"You know that's not what I meant -"

"Do I? Because you were arguing your point very strongly in there, Petra."

Taking a step towards her, Levi stared deep in her eyes, so close now he could the swirl of golds and browns flicking through her irises as he delivered his blow.

"Or is it because fighting makes you feel 'alive'? Like you'd be getting back to normal? Something we both need, right?"

Petra couldn't believe she was hearing this. She wasn't an idiot, she remembered her words to Levi the morning after the kiss.

Narrowing her eyes, she leant away from the Captain.

"Fighting wise, maybe. Yes," she clarified, thoughts and emotions pulsing around her brain so it was making it hard to form intelligible thoughts.

"And other wise? Is being there to back me up the only reason you so desperately want to come?" Levi pushed, finally feeling like they could be getting somewhere.

"I.. Well, I obviously want to be there to fight for everyone, not just you," was the genius that came out her mouth.

Petra could have slapped herself, she was getting so jumbled and annoyed, she couldn't keep straight which thing they were actually talking about.

That, clearly, was the right answer to the wrong question, because Levi's eyes flashed before his expression went to his usual closed off one and he took a step back.

Ok, so maybe they weren't on the right track, Levi fumed to himself. She couldn't have made it clearer - this really all did mean nothing to her other than pure soldier loyalty.

 _Fine_.

"Well then, Petra. I'm afraid you'll just have to deal with the fact that soldiers die and you can't protect them all. Especially now you're not in fighting shape, anymore. But don't worry, there are plenty of us soldiers. You'll get over it," he stated in a neutral voice before turning away from her.

No point hanging around to see how much more she could knock him down.

"Captain, no, wait! Ugh, you're wrong," she called after him, panic lancing through her.

What had she done? She'd royally screwed up.

"Captain!"

"What? You should be used to this, Petra. At lest now everyone knows the others expectations," Levi called over his shoulder without turning.

Oh, ok, so he was going to fluster her, totally twist her words and meaning and _then_ have the nerve to throw that in her face?

Oh no, no way!

"Captain!" Petra called again, anger colouring her tone. "Captain!"

He didn't turn, didn't acknowledge her at all.

"Sir, wait!"

Damn it all, there wasn't a chance this was how she was letting him walk away from her.

"Levi!" His name rung from her lips and she got the result she'd wanted.

Stopping dead still, her Captain turned slowly, eyebrows raised, to merely stare at her.

"What?"

Not waiting for him to say anything else, not giving herself a chance to say anything that would ruin this for good, Petra did the one thing she could do, wanted to do, now that words had failed her.

Striding across to Levi, she didn't pause as she grabbed the front of his collar, pulled him to her level and kissed him with all her might.

She put all her fears, anger and everything else that was bursting forth into the kiss, hands still tightly gripping his collar.

She wasn't sure how he was going to react, but she was going to make sure he knew that whatever this was, it wasn't nothing.

Maybe she wasn't totally sure what she wanted, but she knew, in more than a Captain/subordinate way, she wanted Levi in her life.

A pair of strong hands came up and took hold of her face, Levi immediately taking charge of the kiss, his body leaning into her, almost curling around hers.

A surge of something hot and primal filled Petra's stomach and she gave an involuntary little breath as Levi's tongue swept against hers.

This kiss wasn't sweet and exploratory like the first one - this was rough and full of frustration and pent up emotions.

Levi pulled back very slightly, leaving Petra's lips feeling naked without his burning into them.

"About time," he growled against her mouth, his eyes burning with dark desire.

"Shut up, Captain," Petra breathed, for once not caring at taking such a disrespectful, familiar tone with him and just wanting to bury herself in his touch again.

Giving a slight grunt of acknowledgment at her tone, Levi nipped her bottom lip before taking total claim of her lips again, moving his hands down to her waist and waltzing her back against the wall of the tunnel.

He now had her pinned and totally at his mercy - somewhere she was utterly willing to be.

One hand draped out over his shoulder, Petra dragged her other hand through his hair, loving the contrast of the soft lengths to the sharp bristle of his undercut scraping along her fingertips.

Levi moved his mouth down her throat, hands whispering across her waist and teasing their way under her shirt, trailing up her stomach.

Petra had to bite her lip as his attentions moved away from it, tilting her head up so he could fully kiss the length of her throat.

She was sure he could feel the flutter of her pulse under his mouth, it was beating so hard.

Having reached the top of her throat again, Levi once more pulled back, the two breathing heavily, bodies still pressed together and looking into each other's eyes.

Dark eyes turned down to Petra's bottom lip, where he ran his thumb down it before leaning in to kiss her again, long and slow this time.

Petra was sure she'd melt into a puddle at his feet.

When they pulled away, Levi stood with his hands braced either side of her head, looking at Petra with a look that left her as hot under the collar as his touch had.

"You could have just done that earlier, saved us both some time," he raised an eyebrow at her and she gave a little laugh, still catching her breath.

"Well, that would have implied I'd known I was going to do that," she shook her head, reaching out to straighten the front of his uniform, "Truth is, I had no idea if it was what I wanted, what _you_ wanted, until today."

"And now you know it's what I want? What do you want?" Levi asked, still looking deep into her eyes, as if he could see her thoughts and truths behind the gold that hid her soul.

"Things are so uncertain right now, we don't even know how this whole mission is going to pan out, what's going to be normal anymore... But, I know that I want to be with you in whatever way I can," Petra told him. "Is.. Is that enough for you? Because I don't know what we can promise or plan right now."

Levi was silent for a few seconds, contemplating her words. She was right, things weren't going to be easy - he didn't even know where he'd be after the mission in the Stohess District.

Looking at Petra standing before him, the setting sun leaving her hair and skin seeming to come to life under its glow, her heart tentatively offered to him, he knew anything with her would be enough.

"It's enough. And if not, I'll make sure we get it," he promised, catching a strand of her hair and running his fingers down it.

A smile to rival the sun lit up Petra's face at his words and she looked up at him with such happiness, Levi wondered how he could have made anyone look that content.

"Ok then. Sounds good to me," she said softly.

Levi felt like a different person, not the man he believed to be incapable of, and in a completely different orbit to, this kind of relationship with another person.

He would have squarely punched anyone who had teased such a life would be possible for him, not after his start in life and journey into the military.

That's why he could scarcely believe it was actually him leaning in to gently press his lips to Petra's once again, him who was feeling her kiss back and place her hands on his chest as she did that night under the sky.

Resting his forehead against hers, he frowned lightly as he looked at her, trying to drill this into his head that this was real and his and could _stay_ his.

Depending on how everything worked out in Stohess.

As if sensing his train of thought, Petra took a deep breath before speaking aloud, hands still on his chest.

"Promise me you think tomorrow is a good idea? That you think it's our best option?"

Petra wasn't an idiot, she knew better than to ask him to promise he'd be safe, that it would be alright.

As long as she knew he was somewhat sure of the plan though, she had faith.

"I trust Erwin inexplicably. If he says this is our best chance, it's our best chance. So, yes, I think it's our best option," Levi reassured her honestly.

"Ok... It's going to be a while before I see you again, Captain," Petra looked down at where her hands were resting on and beside his heart, his own hands on her waist again.

She was surprised that he seemed so at ease, so naturally reaching out to touch and hold her. Which was making this goodbye even harder.

"Are you going to stay with your parents?"

"Mmhmm. To be honest, I think they're relieved I have to take time off. They especially will be if the civilians get wind of what's going on," she frowned.

"Could be a while, depending on tomorrow."

They were silent for a second until Levi spoke.

"I'll see you off tomorrow. After we've finished. I'll get you on a carriage."

"Really? Thank you, Captain," Petra said softly.

"Petra," Levi gave her scornful look, "I think you can drop the 'Captain', don't you?"

"Yeah, sorry, force of habit," she smiled sheepishly, not showing the hurt it caused her that their new closeness wasn't the only reason for the lack of necessity in using his title.

Bells chimed out across the city from a far off tower, signalling the late hour.

"I have to go. I need to make sure Eren's prepared for tomorrow."

"Yes, sir... Levi, sorry," Petra rolled her eyes at herself.

"This isn't the end," the raven haired man promised her simply and Petra knew she could trust he meant it.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she warned, worry already pounding through her now they were about to separate.

Instead of replying, Levi rested a hand on her cheek and leant into her again, softly pressing their bodies and lips into one.

There was a bitter sweet tang to it, both trying to memorise the feel and taste of this still fresh movement.

Too soon, he was pulling away, stepping back with a reluctant expression.

"It's not fair," Petra whispered bitterly.

"It never is," Levi replied, "That's why we have to fight it."

"Be safe."

Instead of replying, Levi merely gazed at her, his expression more like the one she was used to when they were just relaxing at HQ.

With a last nod, he turned, his cape furling out behind him, once more her mighty Captain he needed to be.

As the streets and sinking sun swallowed him away from her, she felt her insides churn like they did before an expedition.

Because, even though she wouldn't be there in person, Petra would be living every moment of tomorrow with him.

With a last look at his strong profile striding powerfully through the city, she smiled slightly to herself, knowing she'd see him again.

"Until tomorrow, Captain. And then... Who knows?"

Around the parting lovers, in silent reverie, the sprawling cities held their silent breaths, awaiting tomorrow and the revelation that would be unfolded within the ancient Walls.

A revelation that would change everything and tear their world out from under them.

...Indeed, who knew what the future held?

 **The End**

* * *

 **So, that it! The last chapter. I really hope you guys liked it and followed up with the rest of the story.**

 **I had intended to do another, closing paragraph, but it felt it would have dragged it out too much.**

 **Am also seriously considering doing a sequel, I've been reading the manga, though, and a) it'll contain serious spoilers for season two, b) I don't know where it's going to end and c) I don't know how Petra, Eld and Auruo (I know I've been spelling his name wrong, sorry!) would fit in with the timeline... So, we'll see!**

 **Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing and please continue to do so! :)**

 **God bless and happy readings!**

 **\- Dreams Of A Shipper**


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